Butterfly Garden

Our daughter called, my lil passion flower; “Mom let me take you to our favorite Nursery” and there she graciously showed me their lil haven, where they learned the secrets on how to create a thriving garden. We entered into a screened area; reminded me a bit of Butterfly World, so breathtaking and larvae EVERYWHERE, learned about milk weeds and passion flowers and my very first vine was purchased. Joyfully chose seeds and pretty potted flowers… thinking “If I was a butterfly …. “  with delight the soil was tilled and the bees, butterfly’s and critters came!

It’s so peaceful watching nature show up while watering. During one of these encounters spied this dangling brown thing. The day earlier a caterpillar so thoughts of having our very own personal pupae enthralled me! 

Posted it on my Face Book Wall and thought well I had at least 14 days before it hatched as it was newly discovered. This is when I was educated “14 days? That butterfly is coming out in the next 24 hours!” Well kept a dedicated vigil and the next morning saw the lil thing was indented and thought maybe a lizard bit it.

Again educated with the most dreadful news; “Brenda I am so sorry but everyone in the group agrees that its already dead. There is some debate on whether or not you should put it in the freezer which will kill OE spores”   WTH? OE SPORES!!! I was freaking.  Recently enthralled learning about the male vs female butterfly, male have the black spots, the visitor below in my garden was female.

and NOW THIS!  A disease called Ophryocystis elektroscirrha,  has been affecting Monarchs since 1960, this spore disease discovered in Florida of all places. A protozoan parasite that has infected every Monarch population to date including North America, Australia, Cuba, Central and South America and Hawaii!!

The education of this brought me to tears!  Why?  1. I was viewing this discovery symbolically NEW BIRTH relating to my personal life. 2. This infection maligns normal growth, disfigures and kills. There would be no new birth now.  With tears I laid this dead lil pupae to rest. My FB family encouraged me saying; I’m so sorry. I was really excited for you. Plant some milkweed if you haven’t already and I promise you will have more next year!” 

Today while watering, viewed little visitors however still felt pang in my heart for the one who never emerged. Thinking about spore infection in nature and in man. Thoughts take root and give birth to actions. And this protozoan invasion is so unfair, little guy didn’t have a chance. He ate, digested and even had energy to make his chrysalis yet was wrapped up with this dark intruder and was consumed to death. There was nothing I could do to help, except mourn for what could have been.

“An unresolved issue will be like a cancer with the potential to spread into other areas of your relationship, eroding the joy, lightness, love and beauty”–Joyce Vissell

Father, oh Creator of our souls, Oh Holy One who graces mercy towards the fallen. Clinging, as tears slice flesh, knowing you love deeper, release “needing to know why” so to trust you with the unseen,  knowing you’ve got this……..every one of us, submitted to Your Holy Will, now and forever more..of YOU…………amen. 

Addendum:YOU CAN NOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP …CAME OUTSIDE AFTER WRITING THIS BLOG .. after writing this prayer. Listening to Adele’s new song HELLO go to put my feet up talking to my roommate AND I SEE THIS YES I AM CRYING  A POP OF GREEN can you find the new Chrysalis?



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Eat Me

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”– Oscar Wilde

Had a month off of work and tromped through the NY Catskills and trekked some in Forest Mills Ontario. To say it was a trip of a lifetime would be totally nonfactual, to say it was life-changing would be close, more like life altering encapsulates the gist of it. Sites seen literally took my breath away, rock walls with trickling water from fresh springs, large green leaves and hidden brooks with endless streams of refreshment. Land of Eden.

Met some gifted souls, loving souls who shared their abodes thinking this was like back in the day of the Apostles where one welcomes a stranger or friends and gives them the cloak off their back, “do unto others as you would have then do unto you” rings true yet again.


During this trek while fueling up had a huge truck back into my rental car and bashed in the front end pretty good. Had insurance and really no one was harmed, it was more of a nuisance. Saw the fear and dismay on the elder who did the damage and his response to me was; “Never had this happen to me before”. While in the midst of trauma we always tend to focus on ourselves don’t we? I too never had this happen to me yet it’s my nature to put myself into the others shoes. Maybe it’s more my spiritual training, it was then I reached out to him and introduced myself and we found common ground. We departed cordially. As I was discussing the whole incident with my friend remember saying; “Everything which occurs is for our benefit, this is probably a heads up for me” it was more a “hearts up” as a text which I received in a Toronto airport would change my life forever.

This blog was started years ago with my heart felt desire to share the beauty I see in life, not my personal pain. Maybe it’s pain that gets me out and about in Nature, wash away negativity, so with that being said, I rest my personal heartache and groans for Heavens ears.  And of course my closest friends and family, after all “forsake not the gathering together” as that will make a heart implode.

Today had a friend write; “Pray God deal with (them) according to His Loving Kindness…” “and thank Him for the answer”  and further stated…”Hand your pain totally to God and God will act on your behalf…..”  his statement floored me.  I didn’t want kindness, I wanted to personally knock some teeth out. I wanted karma, wanted it now. I was angry, hurt, shocked and appalled in one big breath. Exhalation would not be pretty.

Left with my own ugliness I chose to bathe. See I was trapped in my head and my heart was becoming harder by the minute. So I poured myself a glass of my favorite wine in my favorite glass, filled the tub with hot water and Epson salts and my favorite oils and had a good cry.  Hadn’t let myself hear my own heart. Didn’t dare let my pain out until then. I was finally alone…so I could. So important to allow those portals of healing to open. Be kind to yourself, for how else can one love unconditionally?


“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”  – Anthon St Maarten

Let your light shine, hear that statement now and again.  Everyone carries truth, some have a very sharp sword of delivery. You are blessed if you have a friend who can slay your ego. Doubly so if you heed their words.  And then their are some who have always been jealous of your life and comments are like in the days of Job. Their reasoning is a syllogism. It’s best to deliver yourself from their presence. Again it’s a choice, God’s gift to us. The gift which makes us above the Angels, talk about mind-blowing.  Power indeed.

How do we know whether we are following God’s ways all the time? ”   I think this man summed it up well..

So many examples of love and to think we have someone who paid the price already, Jesus, Yeshua…King of Kings and Lord of Lords…so why do we flounder?  WHY? Because we get in the way. Love on my friends, love on.

I’m hungry now :)

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Platforms of Love

Today basking in the knowing, the sense of belonging

Ever been fired from a job?
from a marriage?

Divorce rips a heart in two
rejection castrates
gluttony fulfills the bully’s and sociopaths for a season
until they target another

and the cycle of hurting people hurt people..continues

you either hemorrhage
or let time heal
Living the innocence of new beginnings~

Someone asked me; “How do you know what you are going to write about?”  The question made me smile.

Remember when I belonged to a neat club on Myspace which evolved into a Facebook blogging community. Met some incredible authors there, miss them and the assignments. It’s great to belong.

Nope, never know what I will write about it kinda evolves with images or pain I feel with attempts of making sense of it all. Take today for instance. Had one contact me about a friend who took their own life, something she wishes she could have interceded in some way.  And with her pain voiced a memory and a soul comes to mind.

He led a gay lifestyle and was so funny, quite a sense of humor however his immediate blood family rejected him. He was lonely. He asked if I would like to go golfing with him, didn’t know how to golf really. Golf was a sad word, it was a game my ex husband chose over being with me even on my first mother’s day. It was a game of escape. So to be a part of that wouldn’t be, until I heard of his demise. How I wish I said yes.  Loneliness swallowed him whole and I never got the chance of knowing him, or my ex for that matter.

Hind sight makes you think differently, they say it’s 20/20 vision

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When one loses respect for themselves, all types of shadows can drown their destiny. If you lose respect for your spouse the marriage is essentially over. Key is allowing the “reason for your being” shine. Seek no matter how painful how deliriously real please just BE YOU and maybe take a breath and count to 10 before you speak. That should do it…now smile and hover here for awhile.

Living in a great place right now. Example; foot long italian sub, pressed down into yummy is too big for me to consume, so I share with my neighbor. She is delighted and says “hold on” and what does she do, gives me a bottle of orange kangaroo and it’s a Merlot.

Giggling I bring it home to open and let it breathe, pour half a glass and walk it to her door and it hits me. We are living a lifestyle that is caring and kind, living LIFE FREE debt free.

It’s a good starting point. Healed to heal. Reflections of this reality were spell bounding

Recently my husbands daughter reached out and saw with a flash how important it was they spend time together. Sure money is tight, funds low, downsized to a 835 sq ft 1 br 1br two dogs and a parrot full. HOWEVER couldn’t get the image out of my mind. The joy received was documented my husband is still beaming

Exactly one month to the day my own daughter sent a ticket for my husband to join them in Canada. Her sharing teared me up and the extension melted my heart to unrecognizable.

“Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

Divorce essentially bubble wraps guilt. Remember when dating my husband, all he could share, couldn’t help sparkle about, was his children and family that “once was”. Later in our relationship he shared he wish he could have “saved his marriage” “understood his wife” and with counsel he finally did. And a portal was open, the portal of second chances. Makes one head spin it does but with helmets on we take the plunge and eventually make it to the other side. We realize we were never really alone, encouragement was everywhere, all we had to do was take the plunge! TRUST OUR GUT and LOVE ON!

This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. All one has to do is trust and choose to live generously and graciously. Pristine reflections from on high~

Sometimes we are so busy there is no time to digest beauty. Think this is why people choose alcohol or other means of silencing one’s thoughts or another’s loud opinions. We have become puppets to their needs. My prayer is those lines will be cut. Maybe it will come in the form of being “fired” or even divorce. My prayer is people will recognize their freedom and choose to live FREE. Knowing their thoughts and life is PRECIOUS beyond words and their journey is to set others free while they travel…let the sleepers awaken and kind sharing continue. We are only here for a short while my friends…way to short.

Maybe this is why I blog, documenting the memories incredible beauty which one forgets during adversity. Think this is what Paul meant when He declared;

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philipians 4:8

He was imprisoned at the time and yet look at the wisdom which oozed from him. SO many of us are in our own private cells. Yup it’s time to burst forth and face EXACTLY where we are, breathe in beauty and set ourselves free, take flight from negativity and just pray it isn’t being dispelled by you!

Re alignment into resurrection power where radical forgiveness is a choice and there is no more room for abuse only captivating love.  All one has to do is step in, step in to the depth and breath of illuminating truth. Fact is our lives have only scraped the surface or else we would not be struggling so. Balance is needed

So to answer your question why do I write? I don’t have an answer only a “leading” and my prayer it brings joy or direction to some, more importantly change in me. 


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Made a Decision to See the Sunrise

“Ô, Sunlight! The most precious gold to be found on Earth.”
― Roman Payne

Blessed to have one of those friends who loves to investigate Nature and the Wild like I do. So when she called one day last month and suggested a trek was overjoyed to make the time. First on the agenda? Get up early and catch the sunrise of course!!

Our Baptism was complete now to immerse ourselves in NATURE! Our plan was to search out nesting seabirds, heard there was some roped off areas at the Sebastian Inlet, we were STOKED! After all last venture we spied a juvenile Yellow Crowned Night Heron attempting to consume a crab AND the crab attempting to CLIMB BACK OUT OF ITS THROAT! Yup it was caught on video!! In case you missed it will upload here for you!

Every adventure we see some incredible stuff. Today it would be no different except for the eerie realization there was not ONE bird on the beach. Initially it freaked us out. True it was stoking hot but come on NO BIRDS? And then he emerged

It was a crazy thing to witness, he almost got submerged by waves yet so agile indeed, scooping up the tiniest of fish, we certainly didn’t see them in the surf!

The waves were full and the water pristine! If I didn’t have my equipment and a towel would have dove in there myself Yes adulthood rations out tempered actions.


This bird was so entertaining, he knew I was looking at him too. He had our undivided attention. Looks like we were a day late and could have seen babies yesterday or early that morn!  Yet today we had the gift of this  precious gull or juve Petrel whatever he was, soaring back and forth showing us how to fish.

I loved it when he looked right at me with each catch as if to say “SEE”!

We decided to check out the intracostal and found many gulls, cormorants and terns with an occasional duck flyby! Yeah BIRDS!! Maybe they were waking up as the heat of the day even kept them seeking shade! They were breathtaking to watch

It was time to regroup, hydrate and get under the cool AC. Heard Click Ponds in Viera was being drained and visited by a whole slew of birds so off we went. Traveling west now leaving the sea behind made me feel sad in a way. There is something wild and exhilarating at the ocean. And the sea creatures don’t need oxygen like we do. Spying them is a sweet surprise, like this young sea turtle who poked his head up unexpectedly!

Arriving at Click Ponds we found we were the only photographers there, imagine that! Couldn’t be the 92 degree weather?  At first it was stifling then the temperature didn’t matter, out of the blue this Stilt started soaring into the sly chasing a large raptor OH BOY this meant one thing, we might see BABY STILTS!!! The last time I spied these long pink legged birds was at Green Cay in Delray FLorida, it had been almost one year to the day so I was stoked!  Marsh birds are very shy and can hide quickly, we were armed and ready!

Had no idea Stilts were fearless parents!  This pair was chasing off ANY who came near their wee little ones! We spied three!  OH THEY WERE PRECIOUS! Like witnessing the Purple Gallinule for the first time, speechless.  And then lo and behold we saw what looked like little bumble bees in the grass!! A pair of Whistling Ducks were fruitful indeed!

However as soon as they spied humans they herded their chicks straight away. So different here then at the wetlands down south, there the bird habitat were not as fearful Thankful I spied these precious families. Had to crop the one pic of little bumble bee under mamma’s wing This is when I wish I had a 600 mm lens

Composing this blog just got word my Uncle died. He was a gifted artist and to quote “Through art,” he says, “I found a sense of inner peace. In art, I found my bliss.” Richard Beaulieu

I pause and with tears streaming for the man I thought I didn’t know, reading his words it hits me. We understood each other quite well.

Lights flicker in the house and the brown out leaves me rebooting. Thought the timing was oddly perfect and the message received. I will continue my life without any regrets, making time for the adventure while dusting off any thoughts of rejection.

Read a quote the other day and it smacked me, you know BAM. “Giving up reduces your life,  letting go expands it”   Sometimes we think we had to give something up,  someone divorced you from something you cherished.  Or a loved one was taken from you, unmercifully.  Life has a way of smacking us up the side of our hearts and we don’t hemorrhage?! Tear ducts might, Jesus comes to mind.  He didn’t give up when he went to the cross. He wasn’t dragged.  He never attempted to defend himself.  And when He finally spoke it was; “forgive them Father for they know not what they do”  and resurrection happened.

We have to die to the judgement of others tho remembering He showed us “the way”.  Ahh to live a life in resurgence, authentically, without fear without malice without defilement.  It’s a hard concept to swallow . Mr Anhinga has no problem whatsoever!

So Betsy and I continued down this dirt road searching out Meadowlarks. We could hear them but couldn’t see them. It was scorching,  windows down AC off so we could hear, driving around five miles an hour searching intently when the earth literally shook,  a freakin COW ran up the side of a canal and came barreling out behind us. I thought she was going to come through our window, however fear left us with another suddenly, concentration shifted as a Meadowlark perched directly in front of us.  Oh we just clicked and filmed the moment!

Took my breath away, ok where did the cow go?! It wasn’t difficult to find her, sweet thing asking myself now why we eat meat?!

O gentle beast who broke the fence down to get a drink from the canal scaring two humans and a meadowlark. Thank you

It was approaching dusk. We had a full day and didn’t expect to see what we did. Thanking God for Mother Nature, thinking about the nature of man, my childhood and the moment.

Creator heard my thoughts we experienced one more precious sight; BAMBI! Peering through the woods mamma deer watched me intensely. Thankful she let me see her little one.

“I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes.” ~ E.E.Cummings

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Lens Pro To Go had Items stolen PLEASE READ

I rent my lens from an AMAZING company LensProToGo.com and sadly received an email from them which shared they had over 350 items stolen


With this came an amazing testimony and EDUCATION

“We ask that if you are in the market to buy a piece of gear, you cross reference the serial numbers on our list. But it isn’t just our gear, whenever you buy any gear you should get the serial number(s) before purchasing to ensure it hasn’t been stolen. Services like Lenstag and Stolen Camera Finder allow you to search serial numbers prior to purchases, as well as list serial numbers of your own gear.”


Lets support this HONORABLE COMPANY and search for them and also please try them out. If you have a dream lens RENT IT see if it will fit your needs. The lens gets delivered right to your door for that dream vacation.


Just know these thieves will be found …. secure your gear now!!!!!!



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After the Rain

Friendships have always been something I’ve cherished. Never had many friends, two close childhood friends who would love to see again. However life has a way of redirecting our attention.

Was informed one lost her mother and the other; husband became wheel chair bound both from status updates on Facebook.  You say a silent prayer, knowing life certainly is changing, technology adapting to our needs.

And all I really want to do is give them a great big hug, look into their big brown hazel eyes and cry and laugh like we use to. There was a reason why we were best friends, precious moments shared, secrets and dreams and guess what, we evolved into courageous women.

Paula and Gina I will love you forever and ever

Sometimes in life we revisit youthful vigor and innocent reminders of  “what once was” even within our own families.

We attempt to merge reflections towards another, sadly chemistry misconstrued our senses. Ruffled emotions create an unbalanced state . . . and we hold on despite ourselves.

And then you see their beauty, fractured teal eclipsed by glory . . .

Your breathless, no words come from your lips and you know what, it’s ok, time was paused so you could see the hidden

AND observe the obvious

Yup you’re within the forest despite the trees

and you giggle, life certainly has it’s twists and turns and allows us to see the most amazing creatures! Yes, you’re not the only one having a bad hair day!

If we just open our eyes and be still long enough to feel and see the droplets of the past roll off . . .

It’s a good day. So lets rejoice and toast … and raise up our Turtle Eggs . . .

Because after the rain

We will find strength to rise towards the sun and say goodnight to fears. Yes,  to be embraced once again by Grace

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Who is Watching?

Every trek is an adventure and one doesn’t travel far to see nature reveal her beauty. Nope, really all you have to do is be still. This happened to me when concentrating on a Little Blue Jueve, zooming in waiting for the perfect light, this little guy suddenly honked and flew TOWARDS ME! Lowering my lens I saw the reason, Coyote was present and soon vanished after a 3 sec seductive stare which was gloriously captured!


The grass was thick and so wild with life. Live for these moments so to share the mystery, the beauty, the immmuable story as nature reveals secrets.

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. ~Lao Tzu

This particular day met another photographer, they stopped and asked what I was filming, sharing my encounter they quickly retort; “I come here EVERY day and NEVER saw this”  and drove on, even before a verbal response.  Pondered this, well it’s true, sometimes I sit for hours but not always, no it’s kinda like fishing, if you never fished before well then how can I contrast?

Fisherman wait a long time in one area, investigating their pond, becoming one with their environment. Yup observe the Great Blue Heron, they can teach one how to consume just about anything!

I’ve sat with a Heron a few times, one day a few hours! Actually I don’t keep track of time, I get lost in it. Ask my husband.

So how does a Heron Hunt?  Well the deathblow is delivered with a quick stab and the prey is swallowed whole and to be regurgitated later as a “hair ball” casting or pellet. The passing of pellets allows a bird to remove indigestible material from its stomach which is more like a ligament gland then a pouch; proventriculus. Had to look all that up after witnessing this!  Really? TURTLES?! Nature is fascinating!

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A refreshing drink and onto the next meal, mother nature and her realm. It’s such an honor to witness, capture and share! Lately have been going out with my 500 mm and building up my muscles, my close friends know the cost, couldn’t hold that lens up for more then 2 min at a time. My mentor would say; “You’ll build up muscles” and while on these Trek’s it’s walking without a tripod.  Oh and no time to set up a digiscope, do you know how many action shots would be missed doing that?!

It takes practice, patience and thousands of images to upload. A photographer really doesn’t think about this as the import is multi-climatic. Sometimes you see something you totally weren’t expecting! This is why your camera comes with you wherever you go!! Have you ever seen a white peacock?

He saw me first and talk about neck wrenching! Went off the road for this shot and yesterday replaced my tire. It was worth it. Eventually this bird warmed up to my presence and came out on the grass actually VERY close and the moment was breathtaking.

During this particular shot felt another set of eyes on me, yes you do feel this. See why I felt it?

Different glasses to see and capture with aperture precision. Even signed a 2 year contract with AT+T last year, why? For 16 megapixel’s and waterproof up to 30 min of course! This is another tool for nature when she decides to come in real close, like this Sandhill Crane family! Here my sis Rachel and I were concentrating on a little Green Heron nest when I caught this flash to the left of me.  Preciousness beyond words, worth every penny of the 2 year contract!

These are the moments which refresh and invigorate, make you burst out with JOY! Sharing is the best part; recently had this post response to pictures shared on Facebook and the fact is, didn’t even know the truth about this, they pair up for LIFE!

I was just at some friends house for dinner and my friends have been observing a family of these birds for over 20 years……. They mate for life, I love that part, and i love, love, love the heart on their heads……. Wonderful shots Brenda Stevens, thanks for these wonderful photos of love and life and God’s creations……….”   Yup this is why I write and share!

Anything we love, we feel. The latent within rises flushing out all negativity. Such beauty to be seen if we just open the eyes of our soul. Spirit is willing however the flesh is weak? Some flesh is covered with waterproof feathers!

Others get wet so to feed the hungry cry’s, it’s as if they learn from each other and sushi is their dinner! Delicately balanced they spear the water and I’m thankful no gator on the scene. A fish is caught and another mouth is fed, very soon they will fend for themselves. How do they know when not to answer their calls of hunger?

Another sunset approaches, and it has been a glorious day. My body is tired, aches while readjusting my lens however can’t stop smiling knowing I witnessed a bit of heaven today.

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