A Trail of Love

Went for a trek through the city the other day. Enjoy the convenience of shops, eateries and enchanting state of the art infrastructures, though if one is to be honest, the appeal is short lived. Ionized fish, manufactured waterfalls, all which mimic intimacy, the place where earth, rocks and water coalesce.  The song of remembrance, trickling from my youth, ah yes, the time spent in the Smokies with my besties.

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It was quite a hike, at least it was a good workout, entertaining sights and aromas despite this concrete ground. The noise of the traffic was cathartic, humming of the tires whizzing by, thumping like a heartbeat over every expansion joint on this one mile bridge. Could feel the tautness in my calves and hamstrings as this elevation evoked a strong memory, from a different mountaintop, the time we made it to “Hidden Lake”.   No mosquitos, Moose or Grizzly’s here tho. For a moment sadly whispered;  “where is your refreshing Lord?”  as the smell of tar and gas fumes was making me nauseous.

It’s then I peered off the side of Roosevelt Bridge and saw her.  On tippy toe I balanced my 400 mm and captured this beauty, my favorite bird, a lone Great Blue Heron, her feathers a bit ruffled, yet was pristinely balanced on those spindly legs.

She cocked her head and looked right through my lens and then proceeded to preen.

“Do not lose patience my child, one does not need massive pillars to remain stable. Stay kind, keep pure, for your temple musn’t be defiled by sorrows. Hold fast to the truest form of love, divinely lit never to be idle. Winds of doubt will capsize even the greatest, yet simple heart felt joy grows purely.” –  Selah

Forged on this asphalt trek, the sights were interesting. A woman leaving a yacht, well preserved, glowing bronze skin, adorned with a white gold tennis bracelet, flashing a white smile, not one hair on her head out of place. As I rounded the path witnessed a few men cleaning the massive hull she had departed from and had to giggle, ah yes, we all serve and seek some form of a monetary connection, don’t we?

Crossing another bridge came across some fishermen. Their bright smiles revealed one gold tooth and shaded eyes, the sun reflections were bright amongst the cascading blue and greens below. Pompano was running, an honest catch for the day and they would be off to the local sushi shops, selling to our favorite hole in the wall bistros, contributions for continued success. Thinking ah yes another food chain revealed and I see a different shade of green and circular black.

Felt all the tears laid upon these bricks, this spot of brokeness.  And even amidst the artifacts of the void,  so much love was felt. Contemplating life and death continued on my trek, soon peering a human domain, a makeshift shelter, mattress hidden amongst the dense brush.  Heard the buzzing of bees, butterflies flit about, lizards sprinting, birds chirping all on this path, the path on the other side.

“When Jesus saw great multitudes about him, he gave a commandment, go depart unto the other side”- Matthew 8:18

Ah the other side away from the multitudes, away from the educated, the wealthy and the curiously covetous. Felt peace here, the peace of an unburdened soul. Owning no great Yacht, no 5 star business, no need to impress or be pressed, yes paused at the doorstep of the other side.  It’s a delicate realm, stillness, the place where gentle breezes caress the flowers.  Breathed in the moment and squeezed the trigger as nature was revealing herself.

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Love and light isn’t always what you see, sometimes you sense something, you consciously anchor in this secluded spot and portals of understanding open. You suddenly see what is asking to be seen.

Made it home and was greeted by wagging tails and warm smiles, my personal aches and pains subside as my friend tells me stories about his day. This one story really tickled me, about his almost client. Remember when this call came in, one could barely understand the voicemail. As the story goes, he needed his truck window fixed and when my friend  finally made his way to his home the meet and greet wasn’t exactly pleasant. In fact his story almost made me pee myself.  “Met a decrepit person with a hole in his throat”

My friend doesn’t quite get my dark personality. Truly think it’s present in most health professionals, after all it has been many years studying, serving, and coping with hurting humans. And in this case, with my friend describing in his horror a man who formulated words by “putting a finger over a mucous filled hole in this throat”  well he had my full attention.

“Cranky old man with a trach in this throat, pretty weird, (and then he attempts to imitate with a foul gurgly voice) This is when I am totally loosing it, especially when he shared his response to this client; “So you had me come all the way out here for nothing?!”

Now I am howling. My breath is now a hiccup of convulsive wheezes. His voice intensifies; “Hey this isn’t funny, that old man was in a wheel chair and had me come all the way out there to cuss at me, that son of a bitch”.

See you need to know my friend and the reason for spewing my coffee on my computer screen even now while attempting to write this. Nothing really upsets him, he is level headed and quite rational, quite in control, I am more the emotional one.  Well here he was venting, processing as we all do, so the next day I suggested we pay it forward, go fix his truck for free and I would join him, maybe could help too, as a caring practitioner.

Of course that part of the story hasn’t happened….yet. 🙂

Stay on good terms with each other, held together by love. Be ready with a meal or a bed when it’s needed. Why, some have extended hospitality to angels without ever knowing it! Regard prisoners as if you were in prison with them. Look on victims of abuse as if what happened to them had happened to you.” Hebrews 13 MSG BIBLE

Every day is a gift, every moment and breath a choice, sometimes encounters can catch you off guard and reveal your character, buried hurts or broken dreams. Boot camp is an engaging place and well honestly, wouldn’t want to be on the hard with anyone else but him right now.

Our lives improve only when we take chances ~ and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be Honest with ourselves.  ~ Walter Anderson

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Sky Hunters and Below

Always love to witness Nature on the fly, especially the Osprey. This day as I peered out on the banks of the river had this visitation. BAM he struck the water with such force and came up with this mullet but soon dropped him. That’s when a pair of brown Pelican’s flew in for their infamous scoop and gulp fill!

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Unlike other pelicans, brown pelicans hunt by diving into water with wings partly folded in order to catch prey. They’ve learned that they can get a better aim at fish under water if they dive between 60 and 90 degrees, water refraction reduced makes for good spear fishing.  Their pouch will hold up to three gallons of water and the stomach about one gallon! It was fun to watch them feed today. Here is a poem written by humorist writer Dixon Lanier Merritt

A wonderful bird is the pelican,

His bill will hold more than his belican,

He can take in his beak

Enough food for a week

But I’m damned if I see how the helican! 

It’s cold here in Florida, my nose is running, sniffling shuffle through the brisk breeze and then this dragonfly catches my eye, he is unaffected by this weather, holding fast he warms himself and lets me get a closeup shot. Sitting by this stream, making certain no pile of red ants will make its way to my derriere, I crack myself up. Ahh the dangers I must avoid while getting a shot.

These are the streams we find here in Florida and it’s a blessing this sweet pathway, gently meandering, waters crystal clear. A pink dragonfly lands right in front of me, misty brown and crystal wings, an oracle of refreshing. Sit there for quite awhile, absorbing his beauty, zooming into a delicate kaleidoscope of of crimson, almost missed.

Streams of consciousness, flows of thought almost missed because we don’t make time to be still, quiet enough to hear, and dare to be honest with ourselves.

The male Roseate Skimmer is Florida’s only pink dragonfly. Foraging for insects they sit at the top of tall vegetation. Naiads , their larvae, are here in this silty bottom shallow streams, living underwater feeding on mosquito larvae, even small fish and tadpoles.  As flying adults, dragonflies continue to feed on adult mosquitoes snatching and consuming them in mid air! Also within the brackish waters are the needle fish.  Below are a few pictures found on the internet of the Needlefish.

Never knew about their territorial ways and goodness, if you threaten them they will spring forth as their given name; spearing their adversaries. They have been known to kill humans, about par with coconut deaths.   “Their sharp beaks can puncture the human body and the beak might break inside the body. Such cases have been very rare; however, there have been records of death of two people in Hawaii and Vietnam due to attack by the needlefish. A 10 year old boy in Hawaii was attacked by a needlefish, piercing his eyes and brain. The other victim was a Vietnamese whose heart was pierced by a needlefish. Apart from these fatal incidents, there are cases where people have suffered punctures on various parts of their bodies.”  Animalspot.net needlefish

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. Bryant H. McGill

Respect Nature, respect the unique anatomy and well SPEAR FISH SPEAR! And butterflies flutter and broken hearts… bleed.

Ahh no regret….no remorse………..we learn to live half a life. Letting go of all rejection we smile, we heal, we hope, we love on.

It’s taken me a long time flying out of the depths of rejection. To regain the light of understanding hoping for true healing. Praying may the ice melt in your soul.

Bitterness is not a healthy cloak to wear.

Really all we need is to open our hearts to what CAN BE! Do we dare to believe?

“Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.”  Adele Laurie Blue Adkins / Daniel D. Wilson

Yes, please see through the walls, stay kind to all and take a moment to put yourself in the “other’s” shoes, and well, dare to love.  whether equipped with wings or fins, dive deep.

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Today. . .

Today…           

I found out my cousin died, sweet Niki is no longer here, she is no longer a text away. It’s been forever since I saw her, remember hugging her, thanking her, sharing smiles.  The dress she made me, coral print with antique lace trim, and now she’s gone.

So strange what memories linger, like times alone in the woods where the birds were busily foraging, chipmunks munching, gentle breezes tickling my ear and the sun casting shadows on the trees, majestically branching up so high, so high, so close to where I wanted to live. Always felt kinda lost except when I was here, alone, in the quiet of nature. Yes, it is here I belong. It is here I wish to run with my emotions today, and whisper to the trees my thoughts and pain.

Today as I say hello…goodbye, to a cousin once dear now gone, hot tears race down my cheek and I feel unwelcomed pain. Death is not my friend.

My faith once so simple, thinking, will my Dad meet her on the other side, and my Aunt whom my middle name reflects, will she be there with open arms?  No more tears, no more pain. Selah.

Today I learned a new word, Ahava, in Hebrew pronounced Ah-ha-VAH or LOVE!   Actually these letters ;אַהֲבָה  are broken down into two parts, the first meaning is to give, So it means to give and to love. Hence love is giving, and what we give will return to us they say. I believe that because immediately think of my children, their love is still present and grows. Thinking about all our pets now gone, yes tears flow once again.

We are all so fragmented, like the sticks on the Osprey’s nest, interwoven, delicately laid, a foundation of arduous determination, generationally driven.

Did you know Osprey’s mate for life? They fly back to their breeding grounds, rebuild their nest and raise their young. Then they part ways each year for the fall migration.

awesome suddenly

Mates do not see each other again until next mating season. Parents eyes are a golden yellow, and their chicks grow rapidly, soon only their eyes give them away, juvenile orange.

The above nest I discovered while walking my dogs and then searched them out weekly.  Saw them bring sticks offerings, mate, raise three chicks,

lose one in a storm, and victoriously rebuilt their nest and again blessed to see two fledge!

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Yes it was an honor to witness, to be able to capture their grandeur. Amazing to me how these great Raptors only live on fish! They are great fisherman indeed!!

An Osprey is hardwired and neurochemically driven.  Kinda like we humans who are attracted to souls who act in certain ways to produce a chemical response in our bodies that we are familiar with.

When I heard the news of my cousin and asked why she died so young, the response was a grave one; “She had the curse of the family”By the time she was given the news of her ailment it was end stage, three weeks later she breathed her last breath on a hospice bed. 

We become our state of mind and stay that way and therefore limit the possibilities for a new life until and unless we do an intervention on our own minds and thoughts!

“Be ye not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God”  So it is written. So may it be done. Amen

Today I still have moments where I weep, because I never knew my cousin. Time, living, surviving, separated us. This is true with my immediate family too. Sometimes harsh winds break a once strong foundation, and like the little lost Osprey, destruction meant death…wages of sin were cast on their offspring. 

So I close my eyes and transport to the tree of life and whisper with unknown tongue, a sober song where Queen Mother will hear, and deliver once again, to the Almighty One, a prayer for change and clemency;  on earth as it is in Heaven, in this I trust, an incredible Master Plan, letting go and trusting love,  forever more ;אַהֲבָה    Amen

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Perspective

Life has a way doesn’t it? Best made and laid plans, ah yes, laid or be laid that is the question. Well we’re all laid to rest whether you want to face that reality or not. If you’ve ever taken care of the ill, terminal or despairing you know. Projection from the wounded ones, wound. Never forget the time a nurse ran out of a room with a bed pan flying out behind her. I was thinking wow that patient sure had an amazing right hand curve to his toss. Oh and kudos to the nurse in her quick dodge response!!

Silently smirked thinking she was one of the rudest nurses ever encountered, her delivery of care sterile and tonality and monotone verbiage almost made me want to at least fart in her proximity. “Aww man excuse me, must have ate something bad”…yah her presence pulled it right out of me. Did you know fish expel gas to communicate?  The fish use air gulped from the surface which is then stored in their swim bladders and expelled through a duct with an opening next to the anus. What seems to trigger the noise is darkness and high fish densities, suggesting that herring use farting as a means of communication too.

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Fish are pretty amazing, had one friend and her fish would come to the top of his tank to be scratched. (and fed no doubt) Recently discovered an ocean fish, the Trevally, who eats Terns as they attempt to rest on the water during fledge or fishing themselves! Would often watch the Osprey dive for prey and would wonder if a shark ever gets them?

Never saw and don’t wish too, however this month’s reflection on the adaptability and survival cycle in nature is fascinating to watch. One needs to step out of their comfort zone to observe Mother Nature. Authentic presence on both parties allows transformation.

We humans adapt all the time don’t we? We have the gift of free will and have the power to change our mind and choose a different future, to reverse anything that sabotages real love and intimacy! However everyone has a different blueprint or foundation and really we are the only one that can control the impulse to eat unhealthy food groups, like Burger King chocolate shake and large order of onion rings. Now that combo will bring on a machine gun scenario of farts, trust me. So when do we start to make healthy choices for ourselves?

Living is so much more than eat or be eaten. Or is it simplistic as this; we are all interconnected and scenarios played out today are here for our personal growth.

There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why. – William Barclay

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Preening is Imperative

Another horrid catastrophe upon U.S. soil and even as I write this the Vegas shooting death toll rises.  Lately foundations have literally shaken, earthquakes and hurricanes and now this. Mentally unstable human sprays bullets into a field of concert listeners, week previous another infected one entered a church and took out a few of their parishioners.  Certainly as one scans the news they could find even more heartbreaking tragedies.

 

Unhappy people attacking and like a rabid animal we are exterminating them, or they themselves are choosing to kill themselves. And sadly family members stating they had no idea of their anguish, or maybe just too busy or heavy laden themselves.

And the gator waits for the fallen

This month it’s difficult to write. Emotions are fragile universally and privately yet write I must as this helps me process irrational circumstances. Tears streaming from my face and I look up, a message is right in front of me, from Yoshi my parrot. He is preening, removing dirt, parasites and aligning each and every feather, yes he is shaking off the dust of the day and now I’m observing even a little yoga!! I will try to film this.

It is imperative we emotionally let go even if we’re a bit confused of just who we are and why we are in a present living condition.  All we really need to do is clean up the best we can with what we have, using all of our talents and consciousness.

 

The shore birds are so precious. Sat watching my friend surf as they frolicked close this day. They didn’t fear me and this made my whole being warm. Watching them brings me back to my childhood days, days with no striving, no fear, no bitterness, joy was my only fuel.

 

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As I upload see how one bird was missing a leg,  another building a nest from seaweed, another with a fresh worm catch and some just bathing in the surf!  The intimacy was captured and again so thankful I brought my camera!

As one grows older we choose hope or not, all depends on our foundation I suppose. Circumstances happen to all and in the end we all come to dust. Every new beginning, every new chapter in our lives is because of some kind of ending.

Now key is not repeating similar patterns of regret or else we will be just tossed on the seas of circumstance or worse, loneliness. Friendships have taught me this, if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy their hoarding or their solitude. It’s because they have tried to love, yet people they truly care about, continue to disappoint them. And maybe, just maybe it’s too painful facing one’s own reflection.

Then they choose to numb themselves; alcohol, gambling, pornography, or worse, this rage seeps outwardly. Verbally abusing, sometimes physically and worse like today, they literally machine gun the life out of those around them.

Yes these are the cycles that need interception, some kind of healing intercession or sadly, one may never fulfill what they came here to accomplish.  Again, it starts with us, where we are with everything that makes us US!  And in my heart comes to mind words of St Francis of Assisi…again.    Selah~

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Light Burden

Thinking about the birth of my children, the extreme joy conceiving, raising and seeing a handsome, strong, exquisite extended family, form. Yet in what seemed just an instant, the foundation of trust was severed. Sweet Jesus, does covenant really exist?

The church would cantor, “You were unevenly yoked”,  well heck it sure was easy being scrambled in his loins. Yes it was uncomplicated when we upheld each other,  it was so easy watching the children grow, vacationing, dreaming, planning our future, yes it was heaven on earth when we cared for one another, appreciated, esteemed, yes honored the other above self.

“for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’ 

“Knowing” is a burden indeed. Light shed on a situation makes one understands passions end. Swallowing hard you taste salt while attempting to breathe during this closing time. The terrible pain of loss humbles you, changes you, readjusts your vision.

“till death do we part”

So sad, all those years together and now to be cast away. It almost seems like a dream as you realize you most definitely have been left behind.

“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.” Francois de Rochefoucauld 

However the only thing really slain has been ego. After a fall one realizes just where they stood in life. Breathing becomes easier as the sound of disappearance is absorbed. You wonder as numbness becomes a condition you become accustomed to.  Thankfully  waves of change delights the senses as hope is rekindled.

My friend isn’t pleased with his frame. Surviving has driven him into a dormant state, where knees are weakened yet his heart is so alive with ideas and zeal. He thinks like me. His tongue unbridled kinda delights me as I recognize myself. I too understand his quest and with this simplistic goal we embrace daily gifts of love. We have learned from our past, forgiven ourselves and now discovering how to live once again. Of course, this means making time for play

Seeing him catch his waves delights me so. THIS is what I love! Joy unencumbered!

It’s birth without fear, without doubt, just pure knowing; “I got this”.  And the ride? Well it’s free of course. Free from GUILT, yup right here Was so thankful caught his joy when I see something move in the sand to my right, goodness someone is watching me!

Oh he is curious indeed and not fearful. Maybe I am sitting on his home? This makes me giggle and move, after taking his picture of course. And as I look around see many more playful sights.

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Happiness comes in waves, sometimes felt like butterfly’s all fluffy, other times it’s heavy as darkness peels back true intentions, and well love is like that.  I kinda like this standing in love, connecting with the unexpected, with no thoughts of return and yet the return is nothing short of a miracle.

Like to share a sequence that really got us giggling.

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So if I may ask; “What is keeping you from having fun?” or better yet, VISITING NATURE!!?!!

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Pondering

Awoke needing to see the sunrise and so thankful the ocean was a short drive away. We arrived prelight where no see um’s were powerfully letting their existence known. So we munched on croissant filled egg and cheese while sipping strong java in the safety of our vehicle awaiting nautical dawn.

Light changes so rapidly and what emerges can be so invigorating. Little did we know the miracle of birth was just an arm length away.  It was a lifer for me, first time seeing a loggerhead turtle in the wild so close, newly hatched, scurrying towards safety.

Loggerhead newborn scurrying quickly to his covering the sea

Watching the emergence of animal species is incredible as mother earth’s voice innately guides. Again thankful had my camera with me and my best friend to document this moment!!

There are seven living species of sea turtles: our lil Loggerhead, Leatherback’s, Green, Hawksbill’s , Flatback’s, Kemp’s Ridley  and Olive Ridley sea turtles.  The first six being found in Florida. Most recently my dear friend and adopted sister; Rachel Warner was able to capture a Hawksbill turtle make her way down to the lapping sea after safely burring her precious brood.

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Love the unexpected joy of experiencing natures refreshing. God knows we need it.

Another hatchling was recently observed as a virtual miracle and this one documented by my child. She recently has fallen deeply in love with Chickens! Instead of purchasing a virtual animal for her children to care for, they chose to expose our grandchildren to the joy and miracle of LIVE BIRTH with dedicated care to and by all of the family.

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She recently shared with the world on Facebook an experiment with aiding the life of a double yoker!  “Double-yolks happen more frequently in young chickens, when they’re in their early days of egg-production—20-28 weeks old. These young chickens (still getting the hang of being a grown-up hen) produce a double-yolk egg once every 100 lays” Usually, one embryo out competes the other and only one chick survives to hatch and sadly both embryos die before hatch, however  it can happen!

In 24 hrs I too, along with all the viewers learned the facts about fertilized eggs. We visited and found out that chickens, if allowed to grow are huge (as big as a turkey) and quite friendly, will hop up on your lap and loved to be pet!! To see them love and care for their extended family blessed us beyond measure.

How one could even eat a chicken after such a bonding is unthinkable. Now I understand the Vegans heart. It was a gift to see them with their personal eggs and tender caring as the chicks successfully hatched and grew with them, now an integrated part of their family.

Happy hens do lay healthier eggs!! AND you don’t need a rooster for a hen to lay eggs!! When I close my eyes and think of farm life how can one not awake with a rooster’s greeting? Certainly understand the great love they have for all their fowl and understand when they say; they are part of our family.

Today I ponder and give thanks to our Precious Creator, for my family and friends which reflect for me; on earth as it is in Heaven  סל”ה

Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.  Jim Morrison

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