Driving Force

A dear friend once shared, “never lie to yourself” , the statement revealed his camouflage. Been hurt with the truth before. Did I see the signs and ignore them? Maybe. But love does that right?

“Brenda this is your gift, you’re “catalytic”, it’s an odd gift, no one pray’s for this one, and yet, it suites you perfectly, Our Creators gift to you”  A visiting prophet stoically expressed his vision.

What do you mean?” was my response. He paused, smiled, paused again and with a sigh said;

“Brenda whatever is hidden within the recess of a soul, will be revealed, it may not always be light, just know you are divinely protected and they have been guided to you, for a teaching and the lesson”.  There was a longer pause now as I was attempting to digest what this prophet was sharing and was thinking how difficult it is to face the truth in my very own life. He consummated with this;

“Many you will meet and see reflections of self”

The session concluded with;  “You my child are called to be an agent of change”

First I was elated hearing this, felt a literal invisible cloak being placed on my shoulders, it was very heavy. It wasn’t until years later, understood, people really don’t like change, and to fall in love with a “a client of the Creator’s”?  TOTALLY unacceptable. Doing so, caused me great pain.

Maybe I was being called to a life of celibacy? Though this thought was definitely alien.

One must not deny their own authenticity, also we must not create graven images. By doing so we can unconsciously disown our passion and siphon off our gift for catalytic change! It was time to reflect within the confines of still calm waters,  drink in this doxology of gratitude.

Being poor in self confidence and creative energy keeps us in lack much more than a lean purse.”  Sarah Ban Breathnach 

While seeking balance, was called a gypsy. Someone I am fond of, actually grabbed my shoulders, looked intently at me and soberly called me this. At first I thought he was joking. Ok so even if it was under the moonlight, and even if he also said I looked like Miley Cyrus, the gypsy comment totally caught me off guard. Of course I asked him to elaborate and his thoughts made me gravely sad. He had no idea where he was sending me, launching me into my past as he was distinctly asking me why I had no roots, why I didn’t own a home, didn’t own land.  I was speechless.

Divorce has a way of leaving you nakedly exposed. You gather what is left of your heart and reinvent yourself. Knowing Radical Forgiveness is the only way, you journey on, at first mournfully within the dark night, a traveler without balance and our true nature unveils.

An unresolved issue will be like a cancer with the potential to spread into other areas of your relationship, eroding the joy, lightness, love and beauty. –Joyce Vissell

Lately only feel grounded with my camera in hand, tromping through the wetlands, or mountaintops and valley, watching the birthing sun, yes wherever no walls surround me.

Suppose I need electricity, wifi, so to upload images and see the miraculous, other then that believe the rest can just go to hell, even my hair. Oh it’s wild and unkempt and so me.

Our eyes give us away don’t they?

Our focus is where our heart is feeding. Sometimes desire complicates the assignment. Sometimes the need to be understood is greater than the need to understand.

And whatever is needed can be found. Hungry? Sad? Lonely? JOY? Yes, all answers are located just between your heartbeat. One must be still enough to hear, a practiced art of the Irish Travelers they say. It’s much deeper then listening. For when you hear, you transform, yes you change negative behaviour.

I am told it happens within an atmosphere of love, a humble heart wired to serve. And to find someone with the same faith, same hope to agree with you?  Dream with you?

Ahh to find that my friends is a driving force indeed!

For now, will be content uploading the refreshing as Nature exposes herself to me

And listen to dreams from Grandfather, knowing though I have no material ownership, roots indeed run deep. It’s time, to love on, shake off greed, avarice and lust. Embrace all of Our Creators gifts to us with matrimony being the utmost, His gift, choice, yes the covenant of Hope.

For if we fail to choose love, what and who will feed our offspring?!  We must shed apathy and take up our staff face our fears, and lovingly conquer.

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Always admired the ones riding those waves, challenging themselves they not only conquer, they SOAR!  Generated by winds of time, surface energy is transported and sometimes I get to witness and document the vigor, the effervescence. Ah to ride the tides of change, navigation in it’s purest form, revealing the character of man.

When you upload sometimes you see “the medium” who carries the mechanical wave.

Did you know the tallest wave ever documented was 1,720 feet tall and occurred in Lituya Bay in Alaska?! One father and eight year old son rode that wave, on a boat, the only to survive and tell the story. Most recently visited the shores in Florida after a recent hurricane; Hermine.  Native Americans called these storms Hurakons, after “a great spirit who commanded the east wind.” Gifted surfers seek to harness this force of nature and ride this energy, most recently understanding the makeup of these athletes.

Harnessing them is an enhanced exercise, where you breathe in high levels of oxygen, opening the cells allowing them to detoxify as we swill down these higher levels of adrenaline induced energy. Do you know oxygen deficiency has been linked to almost every major illness? Nothing comes close to the raw healing and detoxifying and alkalizing power of oxygen. Oxygen consumption is considered the best indicator of a person’s level of aerobic fitness.

Practice makes perfect right? My best friend recently shared when we start wind surfing we will be in the water more then surfing, like any sport, you have to “own” your body mass. Yes train those muscles to memory; how to balance, how to breathe, how to use those abdominal tendons for bracing, for that leg launch hop up. Ah yes, the rush of timing and riding energy in.

Surfers dream of riding that wave, they practice, they GET WET, yes they persevere. Why? They know how to harness the processed wave creation, they understand it starts not on firm ground, actually just the opposite. Raw energy is “out there” along with the predators and sharks. My friends ex husband below, a small world indeed.

One just needs to know about how to balance on their board, that magic place, centripetal force in motion! Yes, working against inertia and passivity they plunge into the depths leaving fear to the ground.

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.” T.E. Lawrencce


Learning self-sufficiency is one of the things that people struggle with early on and its same with the one who longs to surf. Timing is everything. These are the moments we love to capture on film, these are the moments which fuel.

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Found I have been an observer of sorts, know what it takes but haven’t actively applied fully, the above knowledge.

NOW you are ready to not just swim, no, rather step out on the waters and RIDE THE MIRACULOUS!

Water people, lovers of submersion, wetness and cleansing! Love the journey and embracing changes can scare the crap right out of you!  Recently went on a canoe ride, 11 miles worth, calm waters, with expensive photography equipment on board.

Felt the “log roll” when we traveled over a resting manatee as an adrenalin rush launched us forward STAT into “manate rapids”. Thankful there was a fair distribution of weight so we didn’t capsize in the murky St Lucie River waterway! Every stroke, every eyescape was filling the dry spaces. Was on the direct route to serenity, sequestered nooks of replenishment.

The power of love, was unveiling as it should, and to think this knowing was always right under my nose, in my knor, stuck within the mystery of the triquetra.

I think Bob Marley said it best about how love balances. Read his quote out loud to my friend and he replied; “honey that’s us, that’s how I feel about you” and with tearful eyes I smiled.  He then asked; “Can we be friends forever?” ….

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”  ― Bob Marley

Yes, let us honor, the sense of balance within us. Let us awaken to the beauty of the tree of Life, hidden within us All…let us not abuse in word and deed….amen

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People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.          Bob Dylan

Happened innocently enough, in my new home, the slider doors entering the back yard, only exit, were almost impossible to open. So to Craigslist I went and found the man for the job. In a nano second he explained the difficulty; “Fused wheels, this door is dragging, need to totally replace them” and then his promise; “You will be able to close this door with one finger when I am done”.

Light suddenly streamed in as he was kneeling while expressing his diagnosis, and I didn’t hear a thing. Captivated on emerald eyes, all I could do was smile.  Yup this happenstance encounter would change my perception, forever.

A delicate knowing was caressing my senses and found myself whispering a prayer. Shortly after my daughter called and said; “Mom it’s time to move on”,  so maybe it wasn’t just a coincidence that this gentleman kept coming to my mind. 

And then a friends’s encouraging word came to me again ; “Brenda give the big guy a chance”, got the courage and thumbed a text; “come to breakfast with me, a lil  hole in the wall“, and this time he navigated right to my doorstep. Well not immediately, his first response was; “My life is uncomplicated and I want to keep it that way”  His thoughts sounded familiar. 

What happened next was, well, precious. He was so like no other. Could this be real, these feelings like no comparison? Was it because I was so fractured and the light wasn’t able to be centrifuged? And I breathed. Barely.    

Sharing about his shame, his losses in his life, and the joy of reinventing!  Yes I was seeing the reflection of ME as he surfed right into my heart.

When you’re living with brokenness, you doubt you will ever feel again. Gone gone gone are all the dreams, insulated in self doubt you dare to contemplate, yes, hope for a new day while closing the door to yesterday’s disillusionment.

Now the waves are crashing over you, true baptism is here. You shudder in disbelief and rapidly repent, streams of hot tears flood from you like a shower from heaven. And you utter; “Father forgive me for doubting you” The waves of love were crashing over me and unequivocally, deep was calling to deep.

A new chapter in my life and I believe it will be the best ever!

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Our Precious Grandaughter MILA!

A Fuzzy Expectation UPDATE 2016

Ever wonder how expectations evolve or are even conceived?! It’s like an urge, familiar and cherished. Everyone has them but just like a laugh, the sound is being launched from different platforms. A progression where a thought is created, built up and finally achieved.

One may desire a lover, friend, home, baby, new career, a job…, travel, lose weight, gain weight, debt free, understanding…or maybe a new pet. Today my concentration is on the latter…A Fuzzy Expectation. And just like any of the above listed, a desire and knowing is involved in the whole process. Hence expectations are conceived and the seed takes root.

Meet TOBY (God is good)

Toby’s first collar

Learning to play safely

Bigger collar

Ever notice how expectations evolve in three’s? Just like expectations, scientists are still not sure what an atom is made up of, however we do know about three parts; protons, neutrons an electrons. We perceive our universe to have three spatial dimensions with earth being the third planet in the solar system. We hear through three semi circular canals in our ears. Also when experiencing an orgasm, another result of great expectations fulfilled, one may see a burst of white light. But there are three primary hues making up this light; red, green and blue. So even vision is “omne trium perfectum”.

During Toby’s maturation another heartbeat emerged within this family!

Meet MILA (Highly favored, Miracle)

We find expectations evolve without much help from us. The only needed additive is a loving atmosphere. Everything else kinda attracts itself for the lessons to be learned so to live within the boundaries of truth.

And someone to lean on in times of trouble

and then came third fuzzy in the most literal form; please meet Ms. Hermione

HERMIONE (travels)

and the story of A Fuzzy Expectation evolves on in all of our lives. May we never forget the end of the story. There is no end…

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.Albert Einstein


Toby is still TOBY and Hermoine has had two litters of lovable kittens!! Let me share their growth 🙂 awesome family growing strong!!  And MILA got her birthday ride AGAIN!

I look at the growth over the years and tear up. SO precious!!! Knowing Toby is getting very old in doggy years, so is
Hermoine in kitty years. One day Mila will have to say goodbye and her lil heart will know loss. Not now though, no not
now and as I tear up here thinking of all the ones who have gone before me, think of how my precious family my heart overflowing in gratitude. So thankful one day we will ALL be together again, all my pets, the family I had to lose YES one day we WILL all be together REJOICING and to my dying day we will continue to REJOICE in ALL that Our Precious Lord has given us.

2015 Mila is 5




ANOTHER YEAR GONE wow, and love continues to grow, starting 1st grade next month. Mila is now 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!


She discovered scissors,  redesigned her bangs and found out she’s actually a mermaid with legs !!!  Ahh the days of innocence.

Every day is a gift if only we will open our eyes and see. Father help my friends and all who read this know Your intimacy, Your love Your abundant care for us. Amen

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I See

Words escape me this month, rarely do I ferment. Embraced understanding  and it dawns on me, wisdom has become my best friend.

Willet above is guarding her nest. I’ve seen them eat small crabs, worms, clams, and other invertebrates from marshes along our coastlines in Florida, however not in this setting! Laying in these grasses made me smile. Didn’t know what would pop up and say hello! Friend photographer caught me in the element.

The routine was; wake at 0400 hrs, (had to have my cup of java), others would arise later and then meet at 0530 hrs for the trek at hand. We had the sweetest little cabins, propane showers, comfy queen sized mattress, lots of blankets, pillows and an inside toilet. Now this was my idea of the perfect wilderness adventure. Capturing these critters expressions was healing my soul.

First day we were  -3 Celcius, hiking boots white, frosted from the morning crispness we saw even the gentlest of breath became vapor. A small price to pay for the chance sighting of trumpeter swan and cygnet! Not only did we spy this but also a WHITE PELICAN!

Tho I layered for cold temperature my body trembled, the elements were penetrating. Each day handpicked, each day we stayed fixed on a goal, dispersed the fear, and found the best was yet to come!  It did, every single day.

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On these treks saw some fall flat on their face, others fought letting go of “stuff” and despite sentences ending on a negative, by the end of the week,  all were made strong in their own uniqueness. We became quite a team.

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We were embracing the journey, a candle lit, toasts to the moment and scrumptious meals devoured at Elk Lake Lodge.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think such beauty could be contained. Actually it can’t and the reason why I blog

Had the coziest bed, and felt like a queen. No sharing covers and tho it’s not something I prefer, know embracing cleanliness and order has one waking refreshed! Would rather have my steps established,  so our journey would be a delight and a refreshing, especially to the Great I AM, the author of Love.

Every morning at 0415 hours the birds would start. Hearing such rejoicing is something I will never get use to, we can all learn from nature.

One evening while playing my flute on the back porch a MOOSE with fuzzy antlers walked out of the bush! Totally caught off guard, first thought,  TEXT, however we were off the grid, NO Internet NO Phone!

Yelling wouldn’t help either as my friends cabins were quite a distance away, and I didn’t want to spook him, so did the next best thing,  VIDEO TAPED WITH MY PHONE!! Gotta love technology!!

The next day we encountered a herd of moose, (females are called cows and actually that is exactly what I thought WAS in the road that morning!!) Again thankful for technology  and seized the moment!

The eye scapes this vaca were beyond comparison, beyond utterance. Clips make me smile only wish I could encapsulate the fresh air. Every night hit the pillow and was out, every morning adventure pulsated with a crimson glow and peaked into an organic syntheses of living. Each and every click of my shutter did it, captured heaven on earth. I was a witness, speechless and extremely full.

It was the last day and my co-horts were full, yet heard of this hidden lake, it would take quite a hike to get there not to mention a 4×4 just to get you to the pass at the bottom of the trail! I WAS GAME, so was my guide and dear friend and mentor, Ron Bielefeld,  his vision 20/20.

Years ago was seeded in a divine way; “this wilderness will change you forever”.  This statement was 100% correct. Viewing nature in its purest form, not rearranged or touched by human hands, I walked where my ancestors lived. Yes I conquered the mountain and made it to “Hidden Lake” . 

“But ask the animals what they think—let them teach you;
    let the birds tell you what’s going on.
Put your ear to the earth—learn the basics.  Job 7

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Purified Flight

Few years ago invested in myself, it was after my bro encouraged me to purchase a digital camera. His comment kinda speared reality into me; “Brenda when are you going to start living for yourself?”  He heard and knew my commitment to my family, my husband, our God, and yet he probed deeper, and it hurt. He must have realized and kinda said; “Well start eating Ramen noodles, put the extra money in a lens fund”.  Had no idea noodles could taste so good.

Tho pulling back on the reins of  “giving”,  revealed a whole new result; puppet strings were revealed, a co-dependent form of me was evident, I didn’t like it, or my photos. 

And it kept on coming and in forms I didn’t quite want. My heart was breaking. Change was overpowering the me, the I, and “we” was finally understood.

And I walked and tears streamed hot. One said “they will be collected in a bottle”  and I thought of the wife who loss her spouse to suicide, and my high school friend who also lost a son. My mind would say my tears were selfish, compared to them,  and I lay awake unable to breathe, and the Charmin was running out.

And then it happened, counsel kicked in, now unstuck was able to dismantle what I thought was healthy, despite the web of deception clinging on.

Today as I sit in the quiet of the morning, sipping my creamy warm coffee, can’t help but smile remembering what my son said to me; “Mom we live in a little bit of paradise”. He was right. Every person visiting this abode says; “It feels so peaceful in here”. The atmosphere HAS changed! The cuckoo clock was gone. Recognition of the promised land, the oath was established.

My heart was healing. Eyesight was returning. Dreams were remembered. Dipping into the miraculous was freeing my soul.

Today awaken to a periscope tweet. A call from Africa makes me smile. Deposited long ago was a hunger, so deep the echo penetrated even my senses and today the adventure begins yet again. No longer will I question the “why” and let the present daily bread sustain as we forgive those who trespassed against us, yes, delivered from evil, we smile.

How could you not smile at something this miraculous, new birth, and of course as adorable as this Black-Necked Stilt below?!!

And the above shot is only a portion of his legs, below is a snapshot of him out of the water!

During one of my Treks was just in time to witness the changing of the guard, all I could do was hold my breath and barely balance my 500mm during the sequence and bathing of a Purple Gallinule! When you see such unique species existing within their habitats its a banquet of sorts, flashes of Eden!

All of it, this thing called life, reiterates once again the power of grace, the power of forgiveness, yes, the power of truth. The fact is you might be scared to death starting “over”,  but this time deception is gone. 

“I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. Be as wary as serpents and harmless as doves”  Jesus

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SHOCK treatment for Polluted Waters

Observing this Juvenile Ibis the other day. It was close to sunset, pouring rain the last few days which delightfully left many pools of water for these creatures to investigate.

Knowing my passion for nature a friend invited me into their yard, the lighting was perfect, and I hear “click click click” why it’s a little woodpecker skipping in the gutter! So darn CUTE!

And then there was an Anhinga pose but it was Mr Vulture drying his wings! Not every day the Black Vulture will let you get so close. Like always, an honor to witness, such beauty within my visual field.

They were doing what birds do. However it was a blessing to be allowed so close. They must have been hungry, or just needing to rest.

Love it when they can exist without a care about your presence. They share intimacy with me, they let me partake in their space, their life. Even the leaves. Delicate green serrated sculpture, crafted perfectly from the mind of our Creator.

Could have stayed there till dusk, it wasn’t my property though. Creatures of the night were about to surface, need to have different mind sets for that; infinity and white balance set to tungsten to eliminate the yellow and orange hues brought on by light pollution. Imagine light as a pollutant. Ahh some light is though, for even Lucifer  can appear as such and seduction is real and one must take flight on the wings of Grace or become entrapped. 

Was observing this Glossy Ibis, glistening as oil in the sunlight. His glances were adorable!

He even was giving directions out this day! Just held my breath and snapped away. These moments fill me so, their beauty squeezes out every bit of angst.

Who would guess nature could bipartitely glimpse heaven on earth? Maybe today you will be led to walk a nature path and see home. 

And observe little messengers for the moment!  Did you know dragonfly’s feast on mosquito’s.!! So if they’re in your yard, skeeters won’t be!! They catch them in mid-air and suck their blood then and there and drop em dead. Gives a new meaning to “drop dead” gorgeous.

I think dragonflies are precious and recently my friend and photographer Betsy Stibal, captured one playing with a turtle!

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Here is an enlarged view of turtle (yup so my mom can see) 🙂

© Betsy Stibal foto

Oh dear, and in Betsy’s video this might be one sucking the brains out of a Damselfly during copulation!!!!! Again another one of her amazing documented treks for you to visit. Click on the word; ENJOY to see!!

As I stare at the macro photo below it makes me aware of a whole other detailed world. If I didn’t know any better, this Blue Dasher dragonfly was smiling!

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.  – Joseph Campbell

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