Today. . .


I found out my cousin died, sweet Niki is no longer here, she is no longer a text away. It’s been forever since I saw her, remember hugging her, thanking her, sharing smiles.  The dress she made me, coral print with antique lace trim, and now she’s gone.

So strange what memories linger, like times alone in the woods where the birds were busily foraging, chipmunks munching, gentle breezes tickling my ear and the sun casting shadows on the trees, majestically branching up so high, so high, so close to where I wanted to live. Always felt kinda lost except when I was here, alone, in the quiet of nature. Yes, it is here I belong. It is here I wish to run with my emotions today, and whisper to the trees my thoughts and pain.

Today as I say hello…goodbye, to a cousin once dear now gone, hot tears race down my cheek and I feel unwelcomed pain. Death is not my friend.

My faith once so simple, thinking, will my Dad meet her on the other side, and my Aunt whom my middle name reflects, will she be there with open arms?  No more tears, no more pain. Selah.

Today I learned a new word, Ahava, in Hebrew pronounced Ah-ha-VAH or LOVE!   Actually these letters ;אַהֲבָה  are broken down into two parts, the first meaning is to give, So it means to give and to love. Hence love is giving, and what we give will return to us they say. I believe that because immediately think of my children, their love is still present and grows. Thinking about all our pets now gone, yes tears flow once again.

We are all so fragmented, like the sticks on the Osprey’s nest, interwoven, delicately laid, a foundation of arduous determination, generationally driven.

Did you know Osprey’s mate for life? They fly back to their breeding grounds, rebuild their nest and raise their young. Then they part ways each year for the fall migration.

awesome suddenly

Mates do not see each other again until next mating season. Parents eyes are a golden yellow, and their chicks grow rapidly, soon only their eyes give them away, juvenile orange.

The above nest I discovered while walking my dogs and then searched them out weekly.  Saw them bring sticks offerings, mate, raise three chicks,

lose one in a storm, and victoriously rebuilt their nest and again blessed to see two fledge!

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Yes it was an honor to witness, to be able to capture their grandeur. Amazing to me how these great Raptors only live on fish! They are great fisherman indeed!!

An Osprey is hardwired and neurochemically driven.  Kinda like we humans who are attracted to souls who act in certain ways to produce a chemical response in our bodies that we are familiar with.

When I heard the news of my cousin and asked why she died so young, the response was a grave one; “She had the curse of the family”By the time she was given the news of her ailment it was end stage, three weeks later she breathed her last breath on a hospice bed. 

We become our state of mind and stay that way and therefore limit the possibilities for a new life until and unless we do an intervention on our own minds and thoughts!

“Be ye not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God”  So it is written. So may it be done. Amen

Today I still have moments where I weep, because I never knew my cousin. Time, living, surviving, separated us. This is true with my immediate family too. Sometimes harsh winds break a once strong foundation, and like the little lost Osprey, destruction meant death…wages of sin were cast on their offspring. 

So I close my eyes and transport to the tree of life and whisper with unknown tongue, a sober song where Queen Mother will hear, and deliver once again, to the Almighty One, a prayer for change and clemency;  on earth as it is in Heaven, in this I trust, an incredible Master Plan, letting go and trusting love,  forever more ;אַהֲבָה    Amen

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Life has a way doesn’t it? Best made and laid plans, ah yes, laid or be laid that is the question. Well we’re all laid to rest whether you want to face that reality or not. If you’ve ever taken care of the ill, terminal or despairing you know. Projection from the wounded ones, wound. Never forget the time a nurse ran out of a room with a bed pan flying out behind her. I was thinking wow that patient sure had an amazing right hand curve to his toss. Oh and kudos to the nurse in her quick dodge response!!

Silently smirked thinking she was one of the rudest nurses ever encountered, her delivery of care sterile and tonality and monotone verbiage almost made me want to at least fart in her proximity. “Aww man excuse me, must have ate something bad”…yah her presence pulled it right out of me. Did you know fish expel gas to communicate?  The fish use air gulped from the surface which is then stored in their swim bladders and expelled through a duct with an opening next to the anus. What seems to trigger the noise is darkness and high fish densities, suggesting that herring use farting as a means of communication too.

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Fish are pretty amazing, had one friend and her fish would come to the top of his tank to be scratched. (and fed no doubt) Recently discovered an ocean fish, the Trevally, who eats Terns as they attempt to rest on the water during fledge or fishing themselves! Would often watch the Osprey dive for prey and would wonder if a shark ever gets them?

Never saw and don’t wish too, however this month’s reflection on the adaptability and survival cycle in nature is fascinating to watch. One needs to step out of their comfort zone to observe Mother Nature. Authentic presence on both parties allows transformation.

We humans adapt all the time don’t we? We have the gift of free will and have the power to change our mind and choose a different future, to reverse anything that sabotages real love and intimacy! However everyone has a different blueprint or foundation and really we are the only one that can control the impulse to eat unhealthy food groups, like Burger King chocolate shake and large order of onion rings. Now that combo will bring on a machine gun scenario of farts, trust me. So when do we start to make healthy choices for ourselves?

Living is so much more than eat or be eaten. Or is it simplistic as this; we are all interconnected and scenarios played out today are here for our personal growth.

There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why. – William Barclay

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Preening is Imperative

Another horrid catastrophe upon U.S. soil and even as I write this the Vegas shooting death toll rises.  Lately foundations have literally shaken, earthquakes and hurricanes and now this. Mentally unstable human sprays bullets into a field of concert listeners, week previous another infected one entered a church and took out a few of their parishioners.  Certainly as one scans the news they could find even more heartbreaking tragedies.


Unhappy people attacking and like a rabid animal we are exterminating them, or they themselves are choosing to kill themselves. And sadly family members stating they had no idea of their anguish, or maybe just too busy or heavy laden themselves.

And the gator waits for the fallen

This month it’s difficult to write. Emotions are fragile universally and privately yet write I must as this helps me process irrational circumstances. Tears streaming from my face and I look up, a message is right in front of me, from Yoshi my parrot. He is preening, removing dirt, parasites and aligning each and every feather, yes he is shaking off the dust of the day and now I’m observing even a little yoga!! I will try to film this.

It is imperative we emotionally let go even if we’re a bit confused of just who we are and why we are in a present living condition.  All we really need to do is clean up the best we can with what we have, using all of our talents and consciousness.


The shore birds are so precious. Sat watching my friend surf as they frolicked close this day. They didn’t fear me and this made my whole being warm. Watching them brings me back to my childhood days, days with no striving, no fear, no bitterness, joy was my only fuel.


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As I upload see how one bird was missing a leg,  another building a nest from seaweed, another with a fresh worm catch and some just bathing in the surf!  The intimacy was captured and again so thankful I brought my camera!

As one grows older we choose hope or not, all depends on our foundation I suppose. Circumstances happen to all and in the end we all come to dust. Every new beginning, every new chapter in our lives is because of some kind of ending.

Now key is not repeating similar patterns of regret or else we will be just tossed on the seas of circumstance or worse, loneliness. Friendships have taught me this, if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy their hoarding or their solitude. It’s because they have tried to love, yet people they truly care about, continue to disappoint them. And maybe, just maybe it’s too painful facing one’s own reflection.

Then they choose to numb themselves; alcohol, gambling, pornography, or worse, this rage seeps outwardly. Verbally abusing, sometimes physically and worse like today, they literally machine gun the life out of those around them.

Yes these are the cycles that need interception, some kind of healing intercession or sadly, one may never fulfill what they came here to accomplish.  Again, it starts with us, where we are with everything that makes us US!  And in my heart comes to mind words of St Francis of Assisi…again.    Selah~

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Light Burden

Thinking about the birth of my children, the extreme joy conceiving, raising and seeing a handsome, strong, exquisite extended family, form. Yet in what seemed just an instant, the foundation of trust was severed. Sweet Jesus, does covenant really exist?

The church would cantor, “You were unevenly yoked”,  well heck it sure was easy being scrambled in his loins. Yes it was uncomplicated when we upheld each other,  it was so easy watching the children grow, vacationing, dreaming, planning our future, yes it was heaven on earth when we cared for one another, appreciated, esteemed, yes honored the other above self.

“for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’ 

“Knowing” is a burden indeed. Light shed on a situation makes one understands passions end. Swallowing hard you taste salt while attempting to breathe during this closing time. The terrible pain of loss humbles you, changes you, readjusts your vision.

“till death do we part”

So sad, all those years together and now to be cast away. It almost seems like a dream as you realize you most definitely have been left behind.

“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.” Francois de Rochefoucauld 

However the only thing really slain has been ego. After a fall one realizes just where they stood in life. Breathing becomes easier as the sound of disappearance is absorbed. You wonder as numbness becomes a condition you become accustomed to.  Thankfully  waves of change delights the senses as hope is rekindled.

My friend isn’t pleased with his frame. Surviving has driven him into a dormant state, where knees are weakened yet his heart is so alive with ideas and zeal. He thinks like me. His tongue unbridled kinda delights me as I recognize myself. I too understand his quest and with this simplistic goal we embrace daily gifts of love. We have learned from our past, forgiven ourselves and now discovering how to live once again. Of course, this means making time for play

Seeing him catch his waves delights me so. THIS is what I love! Joy unencumbered!

It’s birth without fear, without doubt, just pure knowing; “I got this”.  And the ride? Well it’s free of course. Free from GUILT, yup right here Was so thankful caught his joy when I see something move in the sand to my right, goodness someone is watching me!

Oh he is curious indeed and not fearful. Maybe I am sitting on his home? This makes me giggle and move, after taking his picture of course. And as I look around see many more playful sights.

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Happiness comes in waves, sometimes felt like butterfly’s all fluffy, other times it’s heavy as darkness peels back true intentions, and well love is like that.  I kinda like this standing in love, connecting with the unexpected, with no thoughts of return and yet the return is nothing short of a miracle.

Like to share a sequence that really got us giggling.

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So if I may ask; “What is keeping you from having fun?” or better yet, VISITING NATURE!!?!!

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Awoke needing to see the sunrise and so thankful the ocean was a short drive away. We arrived prelight where no see um’s were powerfully letting their existence known. So we munched on croissant filled egg and cheese while sipping strong java in the safety of our vehicle awaiting nautical dawn.

Light changes so rapidly and what emerges can be so invigorating. Little did we know the miracle of birth was just an arm length away.  It was a lifer for me, first time seeing a loggerhead turtle in the wild so close, newly hatched, scurrying towards safety.

Loggerhead newborn scurrying quickly to his covering the sea

Watching the emergence of animal species is incredible as mother earth’s voice innately guides. Again thankful had my camera with me and my best friend to document this moment!!

There are seven living species of sea turtles: our lil Loggerhead, Leatherback’s, Green, Hawksbill’s , Flatback’s, Kemp’s Ridley  and Olive Ridley sea turtles.  The first six being found in Florida. Most recently my dear friend and adopted sister; Rachel Warner was able to capture a Hawksbill turtle make her way down to the lapping sea after safely burring her precious brood.

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Love the unexpected joy of experiencing natures refreshing. God knows we need it.

Another hatchling was recently observed as a virtual miracle and this one documented by my child. She recently has fallen deeply in love with Chickens! Instead of purchasing a virtual animal for her children to care for, they chose to expose our grandchildren to the joy and miracle of LIVE BIRTH with dedicated care to and by all of the family.

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She recently shared with the world on Facebook an experiment with aiding the life of a double yoker!  “Double-yolks happen more frequently in young chickens, when they’re in their early days of egg-production—20-28 weeks old. These young chickens (still getting the hang of being a grown-up hen) produce a double-yolk egg once every 100 lays” Usually, one embryo out competes the other and only one chick survives to hatch and sadly both embryos die before hatch, however  it can happen!

In 24 hrs I too, along with all the viewers learned the facts about fertilized eggs. We visited and found out that chickens, if allowed to grow are huge (as big as a turkey) and quite friendly, will hop up on your lap and loved to be pet!! To see them love and care for their extended family blessed us beyond measure.

How one could even eat a chicken after such a bonding is unthinkable. Now I understand the Vegans heart. It was a gift to see them with their personal eggs and tender caring as the chicks successfully hatched and grew with them, now an integrated part of their family.

Happy hens do lay healthier eggs!! AND you don’t need a rooster for a hen to lay eggs!! When I close my eyes and think of farm life how can one not awake with a rooster’s greeting? Certainly understand the great love they have for all their fowl and understand when they say; they are part of our family.

Today I ponder and give thanks to our Precious Creator, for my family and friends which reflect for me; on earth as it is in Heaven  סל”ה

Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.  Jim Morrison

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Jaunts in Nature

Jaunts in nature refresh and educate, take my camera whenever I’m out and about, even while walking the dogs.  Just never know when eyescapes will totally blow you away!

Guess this is what is referred to as “ecotherapy“,  “take in the sea air” or as pioneering nurse Florence Nightingale advocated strongly that patients be exposed to fresh air and sunlight. No argument here, totally agree. To see the freedom of flight and light dancing on the waves, ah yes, a gift indeed!

Ever see a metallic bee before? In this case it’s found to be the Green Orchid Bee!

Ever see a bee smile? I do believe I have 🙂  Spent hours with these little ones, amongst them and only a few inches away at times. Thankful I wasn’t a threat and to take in their beauty and such a JOY to share!!

And I think, what happens when the flower blooms and the bee doesn’t come?


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A study last year found 35 pesticides and fungicides, some at lethal doses, in the pollen collected from bees that were used to pollinate food crops in five U.S. states. Bees that ate pollen contaminated with fungicides were found to be three times as likely to be infected by a parasite linked to colony collapse. Reading this I weep.  At least found that bee keeping and knowledge sharing is in abundance, now to wipe out private apathy. A walk in nature does that for me!

Yup think it’s time to gather my gear and prep for a new adventure all the while connecting with my sorrow.

”Don’t die without embracing the daring adventure your life was meant to be.”Steve Pavlina

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PINK is Pink and I believe…

Looking at my bedding couldn’t help but smile, a mass of wrinkled pink, a cup of coffee balanced with scripted verse, my purse and yes, the light streamed in. Grace was present. It was during one such session I was led to grab my camera and snap a shot.

I believe in manicures. I believe in pink. I believe happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and… I believe in miracles. -Audrey Hepburn

Lately, time spent has been trekking through corners of my soul, those stuffed tight corners where layers needed peeling back so litigation light could objectively reconstruct a new beginning.  Yes the facts were overwhelming, yet instinctively knew the key was concentrating on the solution; living a debt free life.

Received a text the other day and so thankful we packed up our gear despite the forecast. Gotta love your friends, instinctively they may know of a hunger and they; “pay it forward“.  Delicate balance was seeded and I would be astounded by the return; Roseate Spoonbill in the nest,  a memory to be cherished for a lifetime!

We sat there a good while, bobbing in the boat as I supported my monstrous 500 mm on my leg. Sometimes standing, holding my breath as I waited for that little head to bob up in the nest. Sweat would trickle out and salt would sting my eyes, we mopped away the human particles as our bodies regulated in the hot Florida sun.  Then suddenly we would feel a slight breeze and see the feathers lift in accordance to winds caress. This is how they lived. We were among them today, rented sacred space.

“Understanding shyness is wisdom. To know when someone is shy and when they are pretending to be shy. Oh to master the art of what it takes to be courageous. Just as the spoonbill, we should always be courageous enough to face any situation that comes our way. We should always do everything with courage even when unsure. We should take responsibility of our actions at all times.”

Such sweetness a juvenile Roseate Spoonbill

And here I was, trolling around an Island of SPOONBILLS!! A gift indeed! Baby chicks were everywhere and Joy was soaring through my soul. Both my friend and I were witnessing incredible Mother Nature regulating her climate, the great equalizer doing what she does best.

Nature is regulating our climate for free. Mother Nature, she’s been doing that for free, for a long, long time. Now do you really want to get in there and do geo-engineering and all this kind of stuff? – Thomas Friedman

Cascading light flowed into the trees revealing carefully built nests, cackling young and dotting parents! To see so many in one setting made my heart leap! Tri color Herons, Great Blue Herons, Little Blue, Green, Great White Egrets, Cattle Egrets, Snowy Egrets and the SPOONBILLS!

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The oldest wild Roseate Spoonbill was discovered in the Florida Keys in 2006. The bird had been banded in 1990, and was an amazing 16 years old. The previous known longevity record for the species was seven years. There are six species of spoonbill in the world; the Roseate Spoonbill is the only one with pink plumage like the flamingo, they get their pink color from their food, a natural pink dye called canthaxanthin. This they obtain from their diet of brine shrimp and blue-green algae. Hence their feathers, legs, and face are colored by their diet, which is rich in alpha and beta carotenoid pigments. It’s the same effect is seen when shrimp change color during cooking. The juvenile Roseate’s are a very light pink . So for some species you really are what you eat.

Ah the mystery of pink solved, yes, the veil has lifted and now I am seeing pink everywhere!

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Native American – Lakota Prayer

Oh, Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the winds
and whose breath gives life to all the world,
hear me.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.

Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes
ever behold the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made
and my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise so that I may understand
the things you have taught my people.
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden
in every leaf and rock.

I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy – myself.
Make me always ready to come to you
with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades, as the fading sunset,
my spirit will come to you
without shame.

 The joy was witnessed……..even in the sunset.  Thank you Yeshua may this truth be preserved within us and forever more of Your sacred truth….amen
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