Had this pelican fly by, not once, not twice, SEVEN times during my trek over the Bridge. Her and and then an Osprey appearing on my right chasing a Peregrine Falcon of all things.
Had a lot on my mind, firstly the assault that took place at work. It was verbal, happened in the ER where I practice, from a drug dependent client. It was a bit frightening. And just like life, sometimes situations come in quite close that change you forever.
You see these souls have demonic strength, one minute so docile and the next desperately demanding with no sense of right or wrong. We were met with a rigorous demonstration of; meet my needs or else.
Practitioners comfort all; cuts and scrapes, birthing moms, chest pain, MVA’s, drownings, syncopal events, electrocutions, conscious sedation for pulled ligaments, fractured bones and “them“ ; the addicted. Pain sufferers were not born that way. However they are prone to demonstrate abusive and narcissistic behaviors.
Well this moment was still hard to shake, not a fearful caregiver, have seen it all, however this one got to me as they yelled; “IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME PAIN MEDICINE I AM GOING TO COME BACK AND SHOOT EVERY ONE OF YOU”
Her threat went through me like an electric shock, as she was glaring right at me with her utterance.
Don’t know if you have ever had your life threatened, I have. Once was confronted after leaving a court room while serving as an investigator for DCF. Today, this threat,was Déjà Vu”, the feeling was difficult to shrug off.
Every day, as corny as it may sound, well truly, it’s a gift. This day my life and those of my co-workers were threatened. A police report needed to be filed and was, what also was revealed was a great feeling of vulnerableness. Little did we know only days later a horrid attack on students would surface and 17 would die at the hands of another desperate soul, right here in our very own state of Florida.
This feeling humbled me to a point of reference; how nature visited earlier in the form of a Pelican and it was helping me process. She was more than a photograph of sunset reflections, and I think she was pregnant. Never witnessed a Pelican nest in the wild have you? They are very private and protective, so unlike when they eat or hunt for food. So I re-read the native reason for a visiting Pelican.
Sadly, my practice appeared to have no positive effect. Praying the soul who blames the system for their addiction gets the needed help. Medicine has a way of treating symptoms, not the true reason for the pain. We took a Hippocratic oath and I prayed privately, never to become a hypocrite. Today, recognize the need to die to fear and practice the original dream, be the practitioner who heals, seeds (sees) healing, because they themselves have finally received healing.
“I solemnly pledge to dedicate my life to the care of the sick, the promotion of health and the service of humanity. I will practice medicine with conscience and in truth. The health and dignity of my patients will be my first concern.”
Ahh yes, however this can only happen when practitioners choose health and dignity for themselves first. Ask yourself; Why am I on this path? As you walk it out, revelation comes, bitterness cast off. As your honest with the feeling in your heart, alignment comes.
That patient scared me, she didn’t care about us, she cared about her drug. Maybe remorse would come later for all of them, the boy who shot his schoolmates, the college student who killed his parents, or the friend who lost his family.
The end result had a beginning and most times an invitation for a Tabula rasa, living teaches you this. However one can have emotional baggage dragging them down like cement blocks tied to their feet. The true litmus test, well that would be Joy!! This is what I feel spending time in nature births, spending time with Jehovah.
Your emotional life is not written in cement during childhood. You write each chapter as you go along. –Harry Stack Sullivan
Today as I process all of this it legitimately confirms living is a choice. We have to accept the consequences of every action and sometimes it’s excruciatingly hard to get back up, again.
Cognitive scientist and public intellectual Steven Pinker urges us to step back from the gory headlines and prophecies of doom and navigate through the tangled emotions. I agree with that. It takes great strength to rise from the depths of our past. And even greater fortitude not to doubt our beliefs, our love, our existence.
Did you know the Crested Cormorant can dive up to 300 ft? Another water bird, not unlike the Anhinga, the only difference is a curved beak, where they snag their pray instead of piercing. To see them emerge from the water reveals their great strength.
Love on my friends, in the depth of all the honesty left within you, stay kind, stay thankful, yes, through the pain, through the loss, knowing “LOVE WINS everytime”; my dads last words I remember.