Today. . .


I found out my cousin died, sweet Niki is no longer here, she is no longer a text away. It’s been forever since I saw her, remember hugging her, thanking her, sharing smiles.  The dress she made me, coral print with antique lace trim, and now she’s gone.

So strange what memories linger, like times alone in the woods where the birds were busily foraging, chipmunks munching, gentle breezes tickling my ear and the sun casting shadows on the trees, majestically branching up so high, so high, so close to where I wanted to live. Always felt kinda lost except when I was here, alone, in the quiet of nature. Yes, it is here I belong. It is here I wish to run with my emotions today, and whisper to the trees my thoughts and pain.

Today as I say hello…goodbye, to a cousin once dear now gone, hot tears race down my cheek and I feel unwelcomed pain. Death is not my friend.

My faith once so simple, thinking, will my Dad meet her on the other side, and my Aunt whom my middle name reflects, will she be there with open arms?  No more tears, no more pain. Selah.

Today I learned a new word, Ahava, in Hebrew pronounced Ah-ha-VAH or LOVE!   Actually these letters ;אַהֲבָה  are broken down into two parts, the first meaning is to give, So it means to give and to love. Hence love is giving, and what we give will return to us they say. I believe that because immediately think of my children, their love is still present and grows. Thinking about all our pets now gone, yes tears flow once again.

We are all so fragmented, like the sticks on the Osprey’s nest, interwoven, delicately laid, a foundation of arduous determination, generationally driven.

Did you know Osprey’s mate for life? They fly back to their breeding grounds, rebuild their nest and raise their young. Then they part ways each year for the fall migration.

awesome suddenly

Mates do not see each other again until next mating season. Parents eyes are a golden yellow, and their chicks grow rapidly, soon only their eyes give them away, juvenile orange.

The above nest I discovered while walking my dogs and then searched them out weekly.  Saw them bring sticks offerings, mate, raise three chicks,

lose one in a storm, and victoriously rebuilt their nest and again blessed to see two fledge!

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Yes it was an honor to witness, to be able to capture their grandeur. Amazing to me how these great Raptors only live on fish! They are great fisherman indeed!!

An Osprey is hardwired and neurochemically driven.  Kinda like we humans who are attracted to souls who act in certain ways to produce a chemical response in our bodies that we are familiar with.

When I heard the news of my cousin and asked why she died so young, the response was a grave one; “She had the curse of the family”By the time she was given the news of her ailment it was end stage, three weeks later she breathed her last breath on a hospice bed. 

We become our state of mind and stay that way and therefore limit the possibilities for a new life until and unless we do an intervention on our own minds and thoughts!

“Be ye not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God”  So it is written. So may it be done. Amen

Today I still have moments where I weep, because I never knew my cousin. Time, living, surviving, separated us. This is true with my immediate family too. Sometimes harsh winds break a once strong foundation, and like the little lost Osprey, destruction meant death…wages of sin were cast on their offspring. 

So I close my eyes and transport to the tree of life and whisper with unknown tongue, a sober song where Queen Mother will hear, and deliver once again, to the Almighty One, a prayer for change and clemency;  on earth as it is in Heaven, in this I trust, an incredible Master Plan, letting go and trusting love,  forever more ;אַהֲבָה    Amen

About Brenda

"Brenda adores the birds. She is enchanted with their grace, their beauty. It was the birds and being out among them that gave her the peace she so needed and forged a new passion She uses a camera to capture those incredible moments, to savor them and share them with others. For her the camera was freedom. Brenda spent her life healing others, and dealing with incredible pain and despair. The world of birds and nature and photography was what she turned to in order to see the beautiful side of the world" -Eric Curtis Cummings
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