It’s been rough these last few years, my beloveds, are dying. Buried dad two years ago and well, dad and I understood each other. Didn’t have to speak one word, just looked into his eyes and he knew, even when we played poker or Gin Rummy! He loved winning. I miss him. He would laugh so hard he would wheeze and that twinkle in his eye…
It was always my mom who was grounded in faith though. Remember studying numerology, astrology and different religions. It was mom who would listen to my thoughts about the heart of the earth and neophytical awareness; the reason for being.
Remember when mom met Father John and all my books disappeared. New birth came to the Warner family, to Ledgewood Rd! Fr John would visit every week, speak on mystical theology, studying Padre Pio and stories of the saints of old. A new respect for my religion took hold, holy reverence and understanding about the blood of Jesus and the City of God. Years later it was revealed our very own teacher was a pedophile.
Ah yes, generational love, forgiveness and the quest for heaven on earth. The shock of his weakness faltered my faith for a moment in time, nevertheless loved on. Deep within me was seeded the truth about remnant. Wisdom sliced to the core of understanding. Purity, the divine innocence and promise of the Resurrection. This would never be stolen from me, the Grace of a fertile womb and the lineage of David! And yet struggles continue. Age old teachings cease not, “all is happening for your higher good” So when does our higher good merge with our lower self? As I ask myself this question I hear the answer
Divine union is present in synchronicity when your very own shadow heals
Filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:8
My children surprised me for Mother’s Day, demonstrating the above verse. Each one reached out from where they were and reflected love.
My son, accompanied me to help a friend. He is a musician, a noted guru within computer science, my first born mystic. “What do you need mom?” Immediately replied, “Would love the bright lights to leave my panel on my car”. Our brake lights won’t work and Toyota repair man said for $120.00 he could hook it up for a diagnosis to see whats wrong and take it from there, yup, right from our bank account.
So my son studied online for two hours and emerged from his room with understanding. In 2 min my car was healed. Spare fuses snapped into place and Voila, I think it even surprised him. So seeing it wasn’t such a hard task after all I pushed the envelope further; “Accompany me to Debi’s house”? ( for a pow wow) I was surprised he said yes because flute playing and drumming is not his idea of fun but there would be food and a computer needing fixing, so off we went. At the end of the night he said “Happy Mother’s day Mom” with a great big smile, it was while we were sitting around the table with some of my most precious friends. That moment will be remembered for a life time, his smile, his knowing reflected from his eyes. As we were driving home through the rain he made a comment, he said:“Mom your friend Debi is the epitome of what a grandmother stands for. She quilts, her cooking, her home, even the granny glasses”
WOW he could see as I saw, I felt so complete in that very moment. In the morning I awoke in a similar fashion. Meditation time, a cup of java and then of course Face Book time. It’s how we all keep in contact, family friends and other acquaintances. And there it was, a story from my first born daughter, this;
I almost spewed my coffee out, “alrighty then I am a common weed in her mind!” and then I read on and wept, missed it totally, her vision, her flower, even though it was right in front of me. She zoomed in and got the macro shot; and wrote
Her expression of what I meant to her, reaching out in visual form, in ways I certainly could understand made hot tears flow down my cheeks. WOW her knowing was profound.
A few hours later another visual form appeared with music. This one was not uploaded to Youtube but only FB here. Not sure if you can view it, this one made my vision cloud. She added music and the lyrics got me good
You with the sad eyes
Don’t be discouraged
Oh I realize
It’s hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness, inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
I see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
She collaborated all these shots from our past and recent ones like the rainbow my husband (not her birth dad) and I captured at the dog beach together. Even now Bill is spending time with them up in Canada. They have embraced him as family.
To say it’s an honor to witness my children’s love, is an understatement. Yes, even shadows of knowing, heals! 🙂