Can i share just a few with you? 15 min thats all i ask..

Wakodahatchee 1 13acHis mom is dying and his sister is grieving and well…..you know how it can be…when you’re not free. Guilt taps at your brain and all acquainted during the times when she was fully alive surface.

Ex’s surface on all sides, and the “new” wives (yes me) are left in the dark with their reality. So patiently i stand by the door of his soul so when he invites me in we can embrace again, the sweetness of “once was”. He knows “i knew not” so he calls for his ex, asking her opinion, his brother and son. Today he did ask “what do you think honey” and didn’t care for my reply initially. One car, one vehicle to drive to work, his mom is dying in another place far away. I think for a moment without emotions, checking out the emergency fund and then smile, I’ve forgotten someone very special, to let Him in to the whirlwind of thoughts and then I understand.

Letting go is easier for the dying when the mind is frail and the body weak. But when emotions intensify chemistry of “once was” time is frozen and a portal is open. Its the gift of the dying. All bitterness can go and love re awakens, nevertheless one must not forget the present vow, “fear not…be anxious not even for the morrow” and so tho it appears i am not needed a friends invitation is apparent. “Greet me in the morning for Joy will meet you there” and the decision is made and to Nature I will go.

It was very crowded at my favorite place, cars everywhere, noisy people and children too. Their smiles were contagious “did you see an alligator?” and their response so FULL their expectations were met. Walking the boardwalk spied rosy ibys and 15 photographers lined up for the shot. “What am i doing here” “Where are you Father, you said you would meet me and all i hear is noise” So i venture down a quiet path thinking , O good, no one here.

Wakodahatchee 1 13a 008_fhdrand then it happens, a bird out of nowhere, a red winged black bird landed right in front of me and chirped his lil heart out. Looking right at me its eye met mine and IT SMILED, i can’t explain it, it was adorable and then it sang again and looked right at me and cocked its little head. It was only 2 inches from me, even to close for me to even think of getting a picture as my zoom lens was set for where “they usually are”.  In an instant i knew, “fret not fret not” and it laid a little crumb on the fence, I hadn’t seen it in its mouth, where did it come from??!! Then someone came up from behind and shouted “Oh look at that bird so close” and it looked right at me again and flitted off. Yes…i cried. I got it… and joy filled my heart. (15 min)

Wakodahatchee 1 13 071

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

About Brenda

"Brenda adores the birds. She is enchanted with their grace, their beauty. It was the birds and being out among them that gave her the peace she so needed and forged a new passion She uses a camera to capture those incredible moments, to savor them and share them with others. For her the camera was freedom. Brenda spent her life healing others, and dealing with incredible pain and despair. The world of birds and nature and photography was what she turned to in order to see the beautiful side of the world" Eric Curtis Cummings
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13 Responses to Can i share just a few with you? 15 min thats all i ask..

  1. Word Nerd says:

    Wow. You unveiled a lot in 15 minutes. Super well-done with this one. You clearly understand the assignment and more importantly, you clearly understand. Lots and lots of love to you!

  2. Yes, so much conveyed…I have too many thoughts to put them down here, but how healing is nature…and that red-wing (one of my favorites!) who recognized a friend…beautiful shot! ❤

  3. Brenda, your writing so clearly reveals the pain and difficulty of this situation. Your understanding is heartwarming and must be of great comfort to your husband. May God embrace your family with his mercy and grace.

    • Brenda says:

      LOL Karen..we know each other well…even in draw something ((hugs)) Yes God’s mercy and grace..its Life’s Breath. He meets us just where we are, communicates so personally and “whatever it takes” if we seek it..amazing Grace appears sometimes literally, sometimes when we least expect it. There is something to be said about “seeking” tho …writing is like that shovel…..the microscope….the light

  4. loupmojo says:

    Got quite emotional about this… and not entirely sure why it made me so! Very emotive, with a sense of urgency, I guess in the need to find space and time to think. It just got to me, right under the skin of my soul. Plus the bird is gorgeous!

  5. Jo Heroux says:

    I will only say that this is my darling friend Brenda’s heart in words. Being the love that you are, trying to be what Bill needs and not more and seeking God’s guidance and comfort.

    What a fabulous free write by a fabulous woman.
    So sorry about her passing and so grateful Bill has you when all is said and done. He got the prize. ♥

  6. Suzy says:

    Thoughts, conflicts, pain, acceptance all beautifully portrayed. I also believe that Spirit communicates with us in the simplest of ways and is there for us whenever we reach out. I am very sorry for your loss.

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