Ex’s surface on all sides, and the “new” wives (yes me) are left in the dark with their reality. So patiently i stand by the door of his soul so when he invites me in we can embrace again, the sweetness of “once was”. He knows “i knew not” so he calls for his ex, asking her opinion, his brother and son. Today he did ask “what do you think honey” and didn’t care for my reply initially. One car, one vehicle to drive to work, his mom is dying in another place far away. I think for a moment without emotions, checking out the emergency fund and then smile, I’ve forgotten someone very special, to let Him in to the whirlwind of thoughts and then I understand.
Letting go is easier for the dying when the mind is frail and the body weak. But when emotions intensify chemistry of “once was” time is frozen and a portal is open. Its the gift of the dying. All bitterness can go and love re awakens, nevertheless one must not forget the present vow, “fear not…be anxious not even for the morrow” and so tho it appears i am not needed a friends invitation is apparent. “Greet me in the morning for Joy will meet you there” and the decision is made and to Nature I will go.
It was very crowded at my favorite place, cars everywhere, noisy people and children too. Their smiles were contagious “did you see an alligator?” and their response so FULL their expectations were met. Walking the boardwalk spied rosy ibys and 15 photographers lined up for the shot. “What am i doing here” “Where are you Father, you said you would meet me and all i hear is noise” So i venture down a quiet path thinking , O good, no one here.
and then it happens, a bird out of nowhere, a red winged black bird landed right in front of me and chirped his lil heart out. Looking right at me its eye met mine and IT SMILED, i can’t explain it, it was adorable and then it sang again and looked right at me and cocked its little head. It was only 2 inches from me, even to close for me to even think of getting a picture as my zoom lens was set for where “they usually are”. In an instant i knew, “fret not fret not” and it laid a little crumb on the fence, I hadn’t seen it in its mouth, where did it come from??!! Then someone came up from behind and shouted “Oh look at that bird so close” and it looked right at me again and flitted off. Yes…i cried. I got it… and joy filled my heart. (15 min)