“Your score on Neuroticism is low, indicating that you are exceptionally calm, composed and unflappable. You do not react with intense emotions, even to situations that most people would describe as stressful.”

Took a personality test shared by one of my writing co-horts, Emily Rose. It was the shorter version and revealing all the same. Answered the questions honestly and read the results which made me smile. It was all quite obvious to me; it’s just a “duck swim”, may appear smooth coasting but down under, thoughts are racing!

Had to draw blood from a heroine addict the other day. His veins were so collapsed even the experienced tech’s and ER nurses couldn’t start the IV.  Then there was the trauma who presented with his penis cut off. He said he flushed it down the toilet, irretrievable, it could not be re-attached. The other day responded to a Cardiac Arrest, we got him back. Found out he took Viagra earlier in the day, he was 80 years old! So many procedures, so many clients, so many stories, all in a days work. You might not yet know the root cause of their shortness of breath, or “no breath”, but it doesn’t matter, you have been hired and licensed to operate within safe standards of practice; save lives! You signed up for this.

But why is it “THEY” make me want to scream?!

My whole life been a rescuer. On 7/11 a woman died in the Hospital and later it was found her children 6 and 12 were fending for themselves. We sheltered them for 4 mos until they could find placement. When my sister left her husband, she stayed with me to get her head straight. When my daughter got pregnant, she came back home for stability. When Jeannie, Francis, Wilma and Katrina pounded our land, mom and dad blew in. All stayed for a short time to heal, find stability and understanding was birthed for all. Finally they  left and we adopted two rescues; American Bulldog Freckles , Min Pin mix Pickles and a parrot named Pookie!  Life almost felt normal and then the ball shifted into our court.  Economy took a dump, husband needed a stent and we were suddenly a one income family facing bankruptcy.

Digesting an awesome book called “The Angry Smile” by Jody and Nicholas Long and Signe Whitson. It’s about the psychology behind passive-aggressive behavior in families, schools and workplaces. It speaks about anger as a natural emotion but how it doesn’t always reflect an accurate perception of an event. A feeling may be triggered but one needs to clarify “the why”.

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
Gloria Steinem

So if someone in your workplace or home is driving you CRAZY, or you feel guilty about a situation and taking on false responsibility, guess what, you might have fallen into  “counter aggression behavior”.  This occurs when you interact with their judgement of you; in a sense he “catches” their anger, as they would an airborne disease. p 11  By reacting to their comments towards you, or choices they make (which usually attacks your personality or character and compels you to take action), facts are, they are waiting for your reaction. DISCERN and let it be assertive action, hush your thoughts for a moment, don’t react without first understanding the “why”. Don’t let your ego get in the way.

Unlike passivity and aggression, assertive behavior does not depreciate or cause harm to either person. Follow through, with kindness. It’s a healthy way of defining the boundaries of one’s personal reality. Once “empowered” you will no longer feel like a confused victim but have discernment and see the root cause of the anger and understand their behavior.

You will no longer fall prey, or be a puppet and your life will become less emotional and more stable. This can strengthen any relationship and open the doors for greater honesty. Hostility will be decreased and the need for passive aggressive forms of emotional expression will be diminished p 160

It may be difficult to stand and face the truth about yourself, bottom line, you are SO WORTH IT! :0) Love on my friends (and family)…….love on!

Bottom line? Charity begins at home, but should not end there.
Thomas Fuller

Drink in goodness! © Brenda Stevens

About Brenda

"Brenda adores the birds. She is enchanted with their grace, their beauty. It was the birds and being out among them that gave her the peace she so needed and forged a new passion She uses a camera to capture those incredible moments, to savor them and share them with others. For her the camera was freedom. Brenda spent her life healing others, and dealing with incredible pain and despair. The world of birds and nature and photography was what she turned to in order to see the beautiful side of the world" -Eric Curtis Cummings
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15 Responses to Bottom line…I SIGNED UP FOR THIS!

  1. Amy Morgan says:

    Wow…there’s a lot to digest here and give me pause to think about! My mother was one of the best practicers of passive-aggresive behavior that I know of. Your piece makes me look back to how I dealt with it and reassess. Don’t know if I have the internal strength to do all that forgiving, letting go and moving forward. BUT this certianly gives me a a roadmap to look at and consider before I go down that guilty, false responsibility road. Thanks for sharing and I hope the book is helping you with your personal situation.

  2. dbstevens says:

    So true, but so hard to do. But maybe it’s only as hard as I tell myself it is?

  3. Jo says:

    You do like to make us think, don’t you? I suppose that’s a good thing, but I am very quick to forgive and let go, unfortunately I don’t do it under the stress of verbal assault all the time. My ego does stop me sometimes from reacting as I know I should, always a work in progress.

    I do let go and move on, every time, but it might be the next day. Not quite good enough.

    • drchoneydew says:

      you didn’t ask my opinion…BUT ahHA you did comment so..this give me “reign” right? hehe YOU ARE TOO DANG HARD ON woulda coulda shoulda ..makes one need a smoke! the kind you inhale for a long time. hehe Key is to recognize why “they” are doing or saying what they’re saying @ “face value” till you can see the root. Then it will all make sense. Don’t “breathe” in their anger..THEIR frustration..pull back. Oh its an art patience..a virtue which grows with application..a salve. I wrote this while i was bleeding so it was a re write x4. This was a tough week!! :0)

  4. k~ says:

    I think I am in love with your brain 😉 The butterflies might have something to do with it too. This was a seriously good write, with applicable potential. Thanks Brenda!

  5. Kathy says:

    I’m sorry. My brain kind of stopped working after I read about the guy with the cut off penis that got flushed down the toilet. Holy hell. LOL Interesting read. Still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.


    • drchoneydew says:

      LOL to be a responder to this trauma, remember i was the only woman present; every fire fighter, trauma doc, male tech, nurse, paramedic.etc. while waiting for his arrival, all had their hands folded in front of their crotch! hehe

  6. Joyce says:

    This was a wonderful post. You sure have been a rock for your family and the community. I can’t imagine dealing with what you’ve dealt with. You are amazing.

    Thanks for stopping by.

  7. Emily Rose says:

    Awesome post, and thank you for linking back to my page :o)

  8. Penelope says:

    It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to this excellent blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for
    bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.

    I look forward to new updates and will share this website with my Facebook group.
    Chat soon!

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